


She's Imperfect, But She Tries

by StephaniD



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Adopted Children, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/F, Found Family, Gen, Jadzia Dax Lives, Parenthood, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slice of Life, cardassians have tails
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2019-11-24 09:46:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 23,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18163598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StephaniD/pseuds/StephaniD
Summary: KiraDax AU in which no one dies, otherwise follows pretty close to canon events. A series of snapshots of Kira's life and figuring out how to raise a 19 year old she barely knows. Abandoned after chap 17 but I might come back to it eventually.(I haven't seen Waitress, I found this quote on a Kira Nerys moodboard on Tumblr)





	1. Welcome

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by a post in fb group Star Trek is Gay, and a Tumblr post. Garak and Ziyal's relationship inspired by Hannah's fic Stubborn Mouths: Humans In Translation 
> 
> I saw a fanart where Garak had a tail and I LOVED IT and added it to my headcanon of Cardassians. Their tails will be mentioned sometimes.  
> (He had a pincushion on a strap on his (semi?)prehensile tail and I can't refind it I'm sorry)

“Major Kira, I wasn’t expecting you.” Ziyal smiled.  
“I was heading to services at the shrine and thought you might want to accompany me.” Kira smiled a little. She had been doing her best to help the young woman get acclimated to the station.  
"I don't know. My mother tried to teach me about the Prophets, and it would be nice to learn more, but maybe you could teach me when they're not holding service?”  
“I'd be happy to.” Kira smiled. “They're not going to test you, though. You just listen quietly.”  
“It's just, I don't know how welcome I'd be.” She lifted a hand to stroke her ocular ridges.  
“You're half-Bajoran, and you're with me. Your genetics aren't your fault.”  
“And you'll kick the ass of anyone who tries to yell at me?” Ziyal chuckled.  
“Maybe not a Ranjen, but I'll definitely make them regret it.” Kira grinned. “Is that a yes?”  
“I’ve always appreciated your honesty. I'll give it a shot.” Ziyal replied, making Kira grin again. 

At the shrine a few people gave Ziyal second and third glances, but Kira glared them into submission, arm around Ziyal protectively. When the service started the whispers stopped. The Ranjen spoke about patience, Kira could see Ziyal looking at her in her peripheral vision as she reacted to the words. 

After the service Kira told Ziyal that she wanted to speak to the Ranjen, and Ziyal could accompany her or not, whatever she wanted.  
“I'd like to join you.”  
“Alright.”  
“-don't know what she's thinking.” One of the other shrine-goers whispered audibly, glancing at the pair.  
“I was thinking that half-Bajoran children deserve to learn about the Prophets.” Kira replied loudly. The temple cleared out rapidly.  
“Ah, Major Kira and guest. What I can help you with?” The Ranjen smiled as they approached her.  
“I just wanted to thank you for what you said about patience. It's clearly something I'm still working on.” Kira smiled.  
“I’ll pray for the Prophets to give you strength.”  
“Ranjen Wida, this is my friend Tora Ziyal.” Kira introduced.   
“A pleasure to meet you, Tora.” She smiled as she took Ziyal's hand. “Would you mind if I read your pagh?”  
“Um.” Ziyal looked to Kira.  
“It's like your soul. Accessed through your left ear. Doesn't hurt. Much.” She explained. Ranjen Wida chuckled.  
“I'll do my best to be painless.” She promised.  
“It's good to know about yourself, right?” Ziyal smiled nervously, tail stiff.  
“A wise philosophy.” Ranjen Wida smiled as she grasped Ziyal's ear. “Oh, surprisingly strong.” She commented a second later as she let go.  
“What does that mean?”  
“It means, like your friend Kira, you're not one to back down from something.”  
“Thank you Ranjen.” Ziyal smiled.  
“Thank you for allowing me to indulge my curiosity. Can I expect you here next week, Tora?”  
“I think so, yes.”  
“I look forward to it.” Ranjen Wida smiled in response. 

“I'm glad you enjoyed it.” Kira smiled as they walked along the Promenade.  
“Thank you for standing up for me.”  
“Of course. Those people need to focus on their relationship with the Prophets, not anyone else's.”  
“Do you think Ranjen Wida's next lecture will pertain to me?”  
“It's possible. Did you want me to ask her not to speak about you?”  
“No, I don't want to overstep or anything.”

 The next week at the shrine no-one said anything to or about Kira or Ziyal. Kira hoped that eventually Ziyal would be accepted into their faith community, but knew it would take time. 


	2. Garak

Kira had grudgingly accepted Garak's profuse protests that he had no romantic feelings for Ziyal. She'd only really accepted it when both he and Bashir had confirmed that their relationship was monogamous, and Ziyal assured her that she had no romantic feelings for Garak, and would tell Kira if anything happened she didn't like. 

“Julian, what's Garak's designs on Ziyal?” Kira had asked bluntly, entering the infirmary.  
“I'm sorry, his what?” Julian looked up from a padd, wide-eyed.  
“You two are still dating, right?”  
“Yes.”  
“Does he talk about Ziyal?”  
“Sometimes, he's worried about her. And himself.”  
“What's he worried about?” Kira crossed her arms.  
“I don't know if I should say…” He looked away.  
“Julian.” Kira growled to draw his attention back to the fact that she was angry.  
“He knows what it's like to be cut off from your people, so he wants to help Ziyal with that, but Garak and Dukat don't really get along so he's scared Ziyal's on a mission from her father to kill him.” He admitted quickly.  
“What are the chances he's cheating on you with Ziyal and lying about being scared of her?”  
“Please, Major, he may be desperate for Cardassian companionship, but not like that. His feelings are strictly platonic, bordering on paternal. I mean, he's nearly twice her age.” Julian protested. Kira glared at him. “I know that doesn't necessarily mean anything, but please believe me, Garak does not have any romantic or sexual ideas about Ziyal. Mostly he wants to talk with her about artistry, current Cardassian politics, the low temperature of the station, that sort of thing. I'd be more worried about him boring her to death.” 

Kira couldn't very well keep Ziyal from learning about half of her heritage, but she still grumbled about it to her girlfriend Jadzia, who commiserated over the strain of raising independent teenagers.    
“It’s still hard to trust him, even though Julian and Ziyal do. He’s proven that he can’t be trusted.” Kira complained.    
“You’re right.” Jadzia replied. “Didn’t you say he complimented you on not trusting him?”    
“Yeah. What am I supposed to do with _that_?”    
“Well, you said you trust Ziyal. If she understands that you don’t trust Garak, then sometimes teenagers have to make their own mistakes. Like one time Emony twisted her ankle trying a gymnastics move her coach said she wasn’t ready for.”    
“Ankles heal," Kira sighed, "I'm not sure Ziyal's heart will if another person betrays her, especially since Garak claims to be taking on a parental role.”  
“You’re claiming the same thing.” Jadzia pointed out.  
“I'm not claiming it, I'm _doing_ it. I'm proving I can be a good resource and role model for Ziyal.”  
“So let Garak prove himself.”  
“But what if he proves again that he can't be trusted?” Kira reiterated.  
“I don't know that there's anything you can do to prevent that. But you said yourself you can't stop Ziyal talking to him.” Jadzia shrugged. 


	3. Earring

Kira took some time one evening to look up Tora Naprem's earring, and commissioned a Bajoran artist on the station to make a copy. A few days later it was finished and Kira brought it to Ziyal's quarters that evening.

“Kira, hey, what's up?” Ziyal smiled from an easel by her window.  
“I have something for you.” She gave the young woman the paper packet. “You don't have to wear it if you don't want to, but I figured you should have it, it's a recreation of your mother's earring.” Kira explained as Ziyal opened it.  
“Oh, thank you!” Ziyal threw herself into Kira's arms. Once she'd stopped squeezing, she stepped back and put the earring on. “Up here?” She asked, putting the cuff part on.  
“Yeah, you've got it.” Kira smiled.  
“What do you think?” Ziyal grinned, taking her hands down.  
“I think it looks great. But I'm biased, go look in your mirror.” She smiled as Ziyal ran to the bathroom and gasped. A second later she ran back to hug Kira again, tail swaying with happiness. Kira hugged back fiercely.   
“Thank you so much, Nerys.”   
“I’m glad you like it.”

 

“Major, could I speak with you for a second?” Garak approached her a few days later in the Replimat. “It’s about Ziyal.”   
“Don’t murder him, Julian and Odo would be upset.” Jadzia whispered, kissing Kira on the cheek before moving to a different table to give them the semblance of privacy.   
“What’s going on?” Kira asked.   
“Were you aware that Dukat is sending Ziyal a monthly allowance?” Garak didn't sit down.   
“Yes, why?”   
“Were you aware Ziyal commissioned me to make a dress for her a few weeks ago?”   
“No, I wasn’t, but she’s certainly old enough to buy her own clothes.”   
“She came in to try it on yesterday and I noticed she had a new earring, she said you’d given it to her.”   
“I did, it’s a recreation of her mother’s earring.” Kira replied, wondering where the hell Garak was going with his questions.   
“Well, then I suppose it’s not entirely your fault.”   
“WHAT’S not my fault, Garak?” Kira demanded.     
“Her earring clashes with her dress!” He replied vehemently.   
“... What?” Kira started to giggle, her fears of Ziyal having torn her ear fled her mind. “Her earring- for the love of-” She allowed herself a few more seconds of laughter.   
“I’m glad you’re taking it so seriously.” Garak deadpanned.   
“Honestly, I couldn’t care less that her mother’s earring ruined your plans for her new dress. Work around it. Aren’t you creative types supposed to thrive on a challenge?” She took a sip of her iced raktajino.   
“I would, but I told Ziyal two and a half weeks ago that her dress would be ready in three weeks. I don’t have time to make another one.”   
“Sounds like you need to talk to Ziyal, not me.” Kira smiled as Garak wordlessly stared at her for a few seconds and strode off.

“Ooh, you got the last word!” Jadzia grinned as she returned to Kira’s table and watched Garak return to his shop.   
“Trying to lecture me about Ziyal’s earring, honestly.” Kira shook her head and returned to her meal.   
“You noticed what Ziyal said, right?”   
“What do you mean?”   
“Garak said Ziyal told him you gave her the earring. But he didn’t know that it was a recreation of Tora Naprem’s earring. That means Ziyal values it more as a gift from you than as a reminder of her faith or her mother.”   
“When you say it like that it does make sense.” Kira murmured after a few seconds of thought.   
“Admit it, you thought my penchant for gossip would never come in handy.” Jadzia grinned. Kira rolled her eyes. A few days later as they walked to the temple, Ziyal informed her that Garak had offered to draft up a new dress for her, inspired by her earring.

 

“Oh, Major, could I speak to you about Garak?” Julian asked after a morning briefing a week later.   
“Now what?”   
“Don't tell him I told you this, but he's been completely absorbed in Ziyal's new dress. Drawing late into the night, papers and scraps of fabric all over his living room. It's all I can do some nights to convince him to sleep.”   
“I know the feeling, Jadzia can be the same way when she has a new science project.” Kira grinned as Jadzia continued on her way out of the wardroom, pointedly rolling her eyes.   
“I just wanted to let you know that even though he might act otherwise around you, he's really enjoying it. I wouldn't be surprised if he offers it as a special in his shop.”  
“Okay, Julian.” Kira didn't particularly care how Garak felt, but was glad her friends didn't have to deal with him in a bad mood that he blamed on her. 


	4. D'jarra 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next are rewrites of the season 4 episode 'Accession' (episode 16 or 17 depending on where you're watching).  
> Ziyal teaching Kira to draw and to let her feelings out through art influenced by Captainraz's fic 'Drawing Together'.

“How do I know what d'jarra my mother was in?” Ziyal asked Kira, putting her earring on. She didn't wear it all the time, but she did always wear it to visit the shrine.  
“Bajoran records should have that information. Whatever your grandparents did, that's apparently what the Prophets want for your fate. So for example, I'm supposed to be an artist.”  
“We probably don't have time to look it up before the service. I hope the Ranjen can help make sense of this ‘two Emissaries’ thing. If you want, I can try to help you with art? I don't have any training, but I like to draw and paint, and I'd be happy to pass on what I've figured out.” Ziyal offered with a smile.  
“I need all the help I can get.” Kira grinned. “Come on, we don't want to be late.” 

 

“Most stuff is made of simple shapes, or close to.” Ziyal explained, sitting next to Kira on her couch. “If you look at someone's head from the side, for most humanoids you have a circle for the main skull, and mostly a triangle for the face and jaw.” She sketched as she spoke. “Or if you look at the hand, the palm is basically a square, and fingers are like tubes. The hard part is figuring out how everything fits in relation to everything else.”  
“Maybe that's why everything I try to sculpt comes out wrong.” Kira muttered.  
“Like what?” Ziyal asked.  
“Well, I've been trying to sculpt birds and they just don't look right.”  
“What kind of bird?”  
“l don't know, the everyday kind I see in my head.” Kira tried not to sound defensive as she sighed in frustration.  
“How about we both try to draw a bird from memory, and when we're done we'll look up what birds actually look like?” Ziyal suggested.  
“Sure. Don't laugh at my drawing.” 

A few minutes later they were both done, and held their sketchbook out for comparison. Kira's lines were darker and wobbly, while Ziyal's lines were lighter and more numerous. They had drawn birds in different positions, but both had the same basic composition: circular head with conical beak, oval-shaped body, and oval shaped wings with lines for the legs and feet.  
“I can't really remember what a bird looks like, either.” Ziyal grinned. “People have a tendency to draw what they think instead of what they see, so let's find a bird picture and try to copy it exactly.”  
“Okay.” Kira replied. They brought up a suitable bird picture on the computer viewscreen.  
“Ohh.” Ziyal tipped her head to the side.  
“Apparently birds don't really have necks.” Kira commented with a smile. 

“Can I give you a tip before you get started?” Ziyal asked when Kira picked up her pencil.  
“Of course.”  
“It's more difficult than you'd think to make your hand follow what you see in your head, so I like to use lots of short, light lines like this.”  
“I'll give it a shot.”    
  
“This is easier since I have a picture to look at, but harder since I have to draw what the picture looks like, not what I want it to look like.” Kira commented as they drew.    
“Mhmm.” Ziyal replied.    
“How’d you figure all this out?”    
“Messing up a lot.” Ziyal smiled. “Mother and Father always said anything I drew was wonderful, but as I got older I got frustrated that my drawings didn’t look exactly how I wanted them to. Father was able to get me a few video lessons to watch and try to follow along, but most of it is figuring out how to see, and how to draw what I see instead of what I think.”    
“What if you have a picture in your head?”    
“Getting that right takes lots of practice, and finding pictures to look at that look close to what you see in your head.”    
“Isn’t that, I don’t know, copying, cheating?”    
“Let’s say you wanted to build a house. Where would you start?” Ziyal asked.    
“The floor.” Kira replied dutifully.    
“You’d just start laying down the floor? How big is your house going to be? Where are the walls going to go?”    
“Okay, I guess I’d start with a plan.” Kira corrected.    
“You start by preparing and figuring out what you want your house to look like. Art is the same way. If I want to draw a tree, I can find lots of pictures of trees to look at and see how their branches work, or even go to a holosuite and look at them from any angle. If we were on Bajor we could just go outside and look at trees. It’s not cheating, it’s using the tools you have.” She smiled. “I think I’m about done.”    
“I guess I can be done soon.” Kira scrubbed at her paper with an eraser.    
“Don’t let me rush you, I’m going to look up my grandparents’ d’jarra.”    
“Oh, I completely forgot, I’m so sorry.” Kira frowned at her.    
“It’s okay, Nerys, I forgot too. The Emissary and Ranjen gave us a lot to think about.” 

“My grandparents were farmers.” Ziyal informed her, sitting on the couch again. “I saw their pictures. I wish I could have met them.”   
“We could.” Kira offered, still drawing, frowning. “I could take a couple days of leave and we could visit Bajor if you want.”   
“No, they passed away while I was in the Breen camp. I wonder if they even knew about me.”   
“Well, anytime you want to start farming, I’m sure Doctor O’Brien would be happy to help.”   
“Doctor O'Brien?” Ziyal asked. Kira nodded.   
“Chief O’Brien’s wife. She works with plants and visits Bajor a lot.”   
“Is she some sort of herbalist?”   
“I don’t think so, but I’m really sure what she does. We only really know each other in passing. I think my bird is as good as it’s going to get.” Kira frowned.   
“How do you feel about it?” Ziyal asked.   
“Well, it’s better than my other one.”   
“Do you feel happy, proud, frustrated?”   
“All of those.” Kira sighed. “Vedek Porta says I’m not letting myself be an artist fully since I’m still working as the Bajoran Liaison First Officer, and that once I’m being an artist all the time I’ll be happy, but I really just don’t think I’m good at it. Did I ever tell you I failed fingerpainting?” She chuckled.   
“No.” Ziyal shook her head. “I didn’t know that was something you could fail.”   
“My father was disappointed, but by that point people had stopped following their d’jarras, and he had three small children to feed. But still, when I try to create something and fail, I feel like I’m letting him down.” She sighed. 

“Then let’s make something you can’t fail at.” Ziyal replied confidently.    
“What’s that?”    
“Abstract art.”    
“That sounds like a cop-out.” Kira frowned, following her to the easel by the window.    
“Then think of it as experimentation.” Ziyal pulled out paints and painting tools and filled a cup with warm water. Kira picked up a flat metal tool to look at it. “I don’t know what that’s for either.” She smiled. “But sometimes it’s nice to just let your emotions out on a canvas. It doesn’t have to look good. It doesn’t even have to look like anything.”    
“How are you such a good teacher?” Kira asked.    
“It’s probably kind of juvenile, but sometimes when I’m painting or drawing I pretend I’m teaching someone.” Ziyal admitted.    
“Well I’m glad.” Kira smiled.  
“Go ahead, paint whatever you like.” Ziyal nodded to the easel.  
“I don't know what to paint.” Kira frowned.  
“Maybe things that remind you of your father, maybe how you feel when you think about him?” Ziyal suggested, before returning to her sketchbook. 

Kira stared at the blank canvas for a few minutes before grabbing the blue paint and metal tool she'd looked at earlier. She covered the top half of the canvas in blue, then grabbed a brush and added a yellow circle at the bottom of the blue. It smeared into green.   
“Let it dry before fixing it.” Ziyal advised, looking up from her sketchbook. “Work on the bottom half of the canvas.” Kira nodded and started dabbing yellow splotches onto the bottom of the canvas, but quickly discarded the brush to use her fingers, tapping with paint-covered fingers on the canvas, making shapeless islands of color. Yellow, pink, white, red, purple, even some orange made their way into the canvas by Kira's fingers. Ziyal quietly moved a chair over, noticing Kira kneeling on the floor. Kira returned to the paintbrushes for short vertical green strokes along the very bottom, then fixed the yellow sun in the middle of the canvas and added rays of sunlight into the sky. After a few seconds of consideration she added orange sunrays as well, then some more finger painting to hide the top of the green brushstrokes. 

“I think I'm done.” She sighed with a smile. “I'm definitely not 4 anymore, my shoulder is going to feel that tomorrow.”  
“Aside from your shoulder, how do you feel?” Ziyal asked.  
“Good. There's parts that I wish I could do better, but I'm actually kind of proud of this, and I think my father would be, too.”  
“When it's dry you can sign it. What was your father's name?”  
“Kira Taban.” She smiled. “He had a flower garden that he loved almost as much as his family.” 

 

“Hey, Chief, your wife’s back on the station, right?” Kira asked the next day before the morning briefing.    
“Yeah, she just got back a few days ago.” O’Brien replied.    
“Do you think she’d be willing to talk with Ziyal and give her some pointers on gardening?”    
“I don’t see why not.” 


	5. D'jarra 2

“I’m planning to move back to Dakhur province.” Kira told Jadzia and Ziyal over dinner at Quark’s.  
“What?” Jadzia demanded.  
“Ziyal, I’m sure you’d be welcome to stay on the station if you want, or if you want to come with me I’d be happy to have you. Jadzia, I could visit you on the station and you could visit Bajor.” Kira continued.   
“You sound like this is already planned, Nerys.” Jadzia frowned accusingly. Kira nodded.   
“Is this because you want to follow your d’jarra?” Ziyal asked. Kira nodded again.   
“I have some artistic friends in the capitol, one of them is even willing to let me be her apprentice. Ziyal, if you want to come to Bajor I’m sure we can find some way for you to follow your d’jarra, too.”   
“How soon will you be leaving?” Jadzia crossed her arms.   
“I need to help Sisko find a new first officer and get them up to speed, and find a place to stay in the capitol, but I don’t think it’ll take any longer than a couple of months.” Kira sighed.  
“This is really sudden.” Jadzia replied.  
“I know, but Akorem's announcement that we should go back to the d’jarra system was really sudden.” Kira agreed.  
“This new Emissary has been in our time for a week or two and you're leaving your job because he wants to bring Bajor back to how it was 200 years ago? Nerys, are you really sure?” Jadzia asked.  
“Yes. I trust Akorem to speak for the Prophets, and I trust the Prophets to know what's right for Bajor.”  
“But is what's right for Bajor right for you?” Jadzia pleaded.  
“I don't see why it wouldn't be.”   
“But you don’t want to be an artist.” Ziyal said.   
“Like Vedek Porta said, I probably need to be able to really focus on making art before I’m truly happy.”   
“There’s nothing we can say to dissuade you, is there?” Jadzia fumed. Kira shook her head. “Nice.” Jadzia spat and stormed off.

 

“Jadzia, it’s Kira.” She called through her girlfriend’s door a few hours later. A second later, it opened, Jadzia was leaning on the couch with crossed arms.   
“We can’t even talk about it, can we?” She asked, still angry. “Some new Emissary says you’re going to be an artist now and you pack up your life and move to Bajor without talking to me or Ziyal? I don’t even get to say ‘Hey, maybe I could move with you if I can find a job’ or ‘Maybe you’re rushing into this’.”   
“Don’t bring Ziyal into this.” Kira frowned. “This is about me, you, and my religion.”   
“I just hate that I can’t bring up our relationship anywhere! Can’t bring it up at work, can’t bring it up around Ziyal, can’t have a rational discussion about the Prophets-”   
“Religion isn’t rational, you’ve known that all the time you’ve known me.” Kira replied in a warning tone.   
“But I still expect you to act rational! And changing your whole life based on what some guy from 200 years ago says doesn’t seem like something a rational person would do!” Jadzia argued. “ _Think_ about this, Nerys!” She begged and took a few steps toward Kira. “Are you really willing to leave behind DS9 because Akorem says you should go back to the d’jarra system? To do it so quickly, with no discussion with your girlfriend or any of your friends?”  

“Stop acting like this is easy for me!” Kira shot back. “Going back to my d'jarra is one of the hardest and scariest things that's been asked of me.” She admitted, quieter. “I don't want to leave my friends. I don't think I can be an artist. I'm scared that I'm going to let everyone down.” She moved closer to Jadzia. “But this is what the Prophets are asking of me, and I need to trust their guidance. The Prophets have gotten me through my life so far and I can't turn my back on them. I know you don’t understand-”   
“Then explain it to me.” Jadzia pleaded. She took Kira’s hands and backed up to sit on the couch, gently leading her girlfriend over. “I want to understand. I want to be here for you. We’re supposed to do this kind of thing together.”   
“I don’t know if I can explain it in a way you can understand.” Kira sighed as she sat next to her girlfriend.   
“Please try?”

“Akorem Laan is the Emissary of the Prophets. Sisko used to be the Emissary. Maybe the Prophets changed their minds or something, I don’t know, but I can hold it in my head that both Sisko and Akorem are Emissaries, and that there’s only one Emissary.”   
“Okay.” Jadzia nodded, listening intently.   
“Akorem says that the Prophets must have sent him forward in time, over the Occupation, so that he could bring Bajor back to what it once was. And that makes sense. While I may find the idea of an Emissary who doesn’t understand what Bajor went through a little hard to swallow, it makes sense that the Prophets would send someone untainted by it.”   
“I can understand it.” Jadzia agreed.   
“Akorem believes that returning to the d’jarras is why the Prophets sent him, and that if we return to the way things were before the Occupation, it will heal Bajor like it never happened. It seems a little naïve, but maybe I’m just bitter.” Kira tried to joke. Jadzia squeezed her hands. “Akorem is the Emissary, so returning to the d’jarras must be what the Prophets want from us.”   
“That makes sense, but why does it have to be so quickly?” Jadzia frowned. “Why do you have to leave us?”   
“I tried to sculpt some birds a few days ago. It was really bad.” She chuckled. “I talked to Vedek Porta about it, he believes I won’t be truly happy until I fully embrace my d’jarra and stop working here.”   
“That doesn’t explain why you have to leave, or so soon. There are Bajoran artisans aboard DS9.”   
“Yeah, but they can actually make art.” Kira sighed. “I have friends in Dakhur who are willing to help me learn and follow my d’jarra. And I don’t want to delay doing what the Prophets have asked of us, especially with everyone else moving so quickly. You’ve seen how Bajorans have started treating each other in the Replimat, Quark’s...”   
“I’m going to be honest, Nerys, it’s not a sight that builds a lot of confidence. Trill work to move away from a hierarchical social structure, it’s hard to understand why Bajorans would embrace it, especially one so strict.”   
“It does make me uncomfortable.” Kira admitted, shifting to lean her back against Jadzia’s front, their hands twining together on Kira’s stomach. “Having people defer to me just because of who our great great grandparents were or something. It almost feels like during the Occupation when we had to show respect to all Cardassians.”   
“Can you talk to Akorem about this? Explain how the d’jarra system reminds you of the Occupation, ask to slow down the process?” Jadzia asked. Kira shook her head.  
“The Prophets move according to their own schedule, who are we to question that?”

 

Kira could barely speak as Vedek Porta calmly explained why he killed one of his own Ranjen. She wasn’t sure how loud she was when she explained Ranjen Nuri’s d’jarra. She’d seen plenty of death before, of course, been the cause for some of it, but a Vedek murdering someone? Calmly? And logically explaining why he’d done it? And murdering a Ranjen, especially one of his own order? She was glad Sisko and Odo largely left her alone. Her report wouldn’t take too long to write. Once she could think about other things again, she went to find Ziyal, the young woman had only been on the station a few months and would likely be shaken by the news.

 

Kira hit the button for Ziyal’s door, but it didn’t open. She tried again. Still no response.   
“Ziyal? It’s Kira.” She called. The door opened and Ziyal hugged her tightly, tail twitching. Kira could see a half-painted canvas and paints sitting out by the easel.   
“Sorry, I heard that Vedek Porta was murdered and, I don’t know, I got scared that I’d be next for some reason.”   
“It’s okay, you’re safe. No one’s after you.” Kira assured, moving to Ziyal’s couch. “And the rumor mill twisted that information. Vedek Porta killed Ranjen Nuri.”   
“A Vedek murdered a Ranjen?” Ziyal whispered. Kira nodded.   
“Ranjen Nuri, his d’jarra was to prepare dead bodies for burial. It used to be considered unclean, so Vedek Porta asked him to resign his vows. He refused and Vedek Porta felt the proper response was to push him off the upper level of the Promenade. He broke his neck.” Kira related calmly. “Odo has Vedek Porta in the holding cells.”   
“It’s so hard to believe that a Vedek would kill a Ranjen, especially over his d’jarra after only following them again for a few weeks. Thank you for coming to tell me in person.”   
“I wanted to be sure you heard the truth, not some half-true rumor. And I wanted to be sure you were okay. We don’t usually have murders.”   
“I understand. Thanks again.” Ziyal smiled for a second.   
“Now, speaking of rumors, I need to go tell Jadzia what’s going on.”   
“Nerys, are you still going to follow your d’jarra and move to Bajor?” Ziyal asked as Kira stood.   
“I’m not sure.” She replied. “Akorem is on his way from Bajor to talk to Sisko. I think it might be best for me to make my decision after they talk. Did you want to come with me to talk to Jadzia?”   
“No, I’ll be okay. Thanks.” Ziyal smiled again. Kira gave her a hug before she headed to the Science labs.

“Jadzia?” Kira asked, scanning the first lab.   
“Nerys!” Jadzia strode over and wrapped her in a hug. “I heard there was a murder. Who?”   
“No one you know.” Kira informed her, hugging tight. “Okay, we both need to get back to work, we’ll talk later.”   
“That’s it?” Jadzia asked as Kira walked away.   
“Akorem is coming to talk to Sisko, we both know everyone we love is fine, we’ll talk later. Go back to work.” Kira replied. She loved Jadzia, but no way was she going to give more information to one of the station’s biggest gossips. 

  
  
“I’m glad Sisko is the Emissary.” Ziyal stated.   
“Because that way you don’t have to be a farmer?”   
“And you don’t have to be an artist and leave the station. Though it is still sad, what happened to Akorem and Porta and Nuri.”   
“Akorem went home to his family and lived the rest of his life a happy man.” Kira reminded. “He even published a few more poems.”   
“And now you have a painting you like. So I guess it wasn’t all bad.” Ziyal agreed.   
“Thank you again for helping me with the painting. I’m going to hang it next to my altar in my quarters.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next episode I have planned to rewrite is 4.24/5 "Body Parts" where Kira gets pregnant. If you want me to give a shot at any episodes between Accession and Body Parts, please leave ideas in comments. Keep in mind this is a fic focused on Kira, Ziyal, and Jadzia.


	6. Night Parents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep almost forgetting it's Monday. Sorry I'm bad at days ^^;

“Why doesn't Commander Dax come with us to the shrine?” Ziyal asked one day as they left services.   
“She doesn't believe in the Prophets. She's more comfortable thinking of them scientifically. It's hard for non-Bajorans to understand.” Kira shrugged.   
“Doesn't that affect your relationship?”   
“Not really. I'm used to my coworkers not understanding.”   
“But you two are closer than coworkers. You don't have to hide it from me.” Ziyal said.   
“We are, but I understand that she doesn't have much interest in my religion, and she respects that it's important to me. Honestly, my relationship to Sisko is still more awkward than my relationship between my religion and my girlfriend.”   
“Captain Sisko is still uncomfortable being the Emissary?”   
“He's definitely more accepting than he was when he first arrived, especially after Akorem Laan. But imagine you went to, I don't know, Bolarus, and when you get there the Bolians say you're a prophesied figure in their religion. So I understand his hesitance.” 

“Back to Dax…” Ziyal replied leadingly.  
“You can call her Jadzia.”   
“Well, now that you've admitted you're dating, what should I call her?”   
“You can call her Jadzia.” Kira repeated.   
“You're not worried about Commander Worf? I've heard rumors around Quark's.” Ziyal asked.   
“Nah, they do Klingon exercise stuff in the holosuites, which I have no interest in. I trust that after however many lifetimes, Jadzia's mature enough to value her commitment to me above any feelings she may have about him, or at least talk to me about it.”   
“Do you think you're going to move into quarters together at some point?”   
“We haven't really discussed it. Jadzia is much more social than I am, since she has her own quarters she can stay up late entertaining people if she wants. Are you sure you're okay talking about Jadzia and I?”   
“Yeah. In the Breen camp nobody made a big deal about who got together with who, even Cardassians and Bajorans.” Ziyal explained. “And on Cardassia family’s so important that a family would be shunned if they abandoned a child over something as trivial as not being able to produce heirs. Non-fertile relationships are strongly encouraged to become Night Parents, like how Garak has become kind of like my Night Father.” 

“Night Parents, what's that?”   
“It's like a close family friend who helps take care of the children, often forming closer relationships with specific children.”   
“So would I be like a Night Mother?”   
“Well, I- I don't want you to take this the wrong way…”   
“Ziyal, I promise you're not going to hurt me. You see us as more like friends?” Kira took the young woman's hand.  
“Well, kind of more like an older sister, or- or adoptive mother?” Ziyal replied quickly, quietly. Kira squeezed Ziyal's hand as she pressed her other hand to her grinning mouth. 


	7. Parenting About Garak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw a fanart where Garak had a tail and LOVED IT and added it to my headcanon of Cardassians. Their tails will be mentioned sometimes. I've gone back into earlier chapters to add mentions where appropriate.  
> (He had a pincushion on a strap on his (semi?)prehensile tail and I can't refind it I'm sorry)

“Garak was telling me about my father yesterday.” Ziyal stated while she, Kira, and Jadzia shared dinner in Kira's quarters.  
“Oh?” Kira asked.  
“About when they were in the Obsidian Order together, how they tried to stab each other in the back, why my father succeeded more often than Garak.”  
“Why did he tell you about that?” Kira asked.  
“He said it was a good lesson on trust, but I think he doesn't want me to trust my father.” Ziyal's tail twitched in frustration.  
“It could be both.” Jadzia mentioned. “From what I've observed, Cardassians don't tend to trust easily. I know Garak views suspicion as wise and trust as foolish. It's possible he was trying to teach you that, and his experiences with your father seemed like the best example. Or he honestly was trying to teach you that your father isn't as trustworthy as you think.” Jadzia shrugged. “Take from his stories what you find useful.”  
“I feel like Father is sorry for what he had to do to reach his title of Gul, but feels they were all necessary. I know he feels very bad for what he had to do during the Occupation.” Ziyal replied. Kira took a large bite of food to prevent her companions expecting her to respond, Jadzia discreetly raised an eyebrow at her girlfriend's transparent tactic. 

“It must be difficult to live on the station, where so many people don't have a favorable view of your father.” Jadzia observed.  
“I understand it, and living on Cardassia or Bajor would be harder, so I'm very grateful to be welcome here, but… it does get difficult sometimes.” Ziyal agreed.  
“I'm so sorry.” Kira frowned and gently took Ziyal's hand. “Is there anything we can do to make you feel more comfortable?”  
“No, you've already done so much.” Ziyal protested. “I understand how you feel about my father and why, and you have to work so we can't spend that much time together…”  
“You still don't have many friends on the station, do you?” Kira asked sadly. Maybe she should ask Sisko about getting a counselor for the station, someone trained to help with all this stuff.  
“Most people around my age are Bajoran, and…” Ziyal shrugged. “I don't even know what we'd do if they wanted to be friends.”  
“What about Jake?” Kira asked.  
“Captain Sisko's son?” Ziyal's eyes widened. “I don't know…”  
“He's around your age, he's Human so he shouldn't have many preconceived notions about you that get in the way, I think he just writes most days, or plays on his padd, so he shouldn't be too busy to talk.”  
“What does he write?”  
“You should ask him.” Jadzia encouraged.  
“I guess the worst thing that can happen is he doesn't want to be my friend.” Ziyal played with the food on her plate.  
“And Ziyal, you're welcome over whenever.” Kira added. “I've been trying to give you space to be independent, but I don't want you to think I don't want to spend time with you.”  
“Thanks.” Ziyal smiled and briefly looked up. 

“Thanks for helping with Ziyal.” Kira smiled at her girlfriend later that night, cuddling into her embrace on the couch.  
“Of course. Audrid never forgave herself for her broken relationship with Neema, so I'm glad to do anything I can to help you with Ziyal.”  
“Can I ask about that?” Kira looked up at her.  
“Audrid's husband Jayvin died, and his symbiont Vod.” Jadzia said quietly. Kira frowned, knowing how important the life of a symbiont is. “Due to a top secret mission they'd been on, Audrid was badly injured, Jayvin was dead, and the fear was that Vod had gone insane. The only way to know for sure was to join Vod to a new host, which clearly was far too dangerous. So they were allowed to die.” She blinked tears away and Kira shifted position to hold her close, keep her girlfriend safe in her tight embrace. “I couldn't tell Neema about that though, so she thought that her mother had allowed her father's symbiont to die for no good reason.”  
“Prophets.” Kira breathed.  
“Audrid never forgave herself for keeping that secret. It tore her family apart. I know it's not really an applicable lesson for you, but-”  
“No, I get it. Thank you for telling me. Did any later Daxes have families?”  
“None yet. Audrid was the most recent, Torias and Nilani didn't have time to have or adopt children before he died. I think Audrid's experience might have influenced us to be more careful with that type of relationship. Except Curzon, he probably has kids he didn't know about.” Jadzia sighed, Kira snorted.  
“I'm sorry, it's just, from what you've told me of Curzon…”  
“He was a very good mentor to Ben and uncle to Jake.” Jadzia defended, relenting after a second. “No, you're right, he probably wouldn't have been a good father.” She shook her head, chuckling. Kira leaned in to give her a quick kiss. 

“What's that for?” Jadzia asked.  
“You're so beautiful when you smile, and I can't really do that in Ops.” Kira replied simply. “Starfleet already thinks I'm sexually harassing you or something.” She rolled her eyes.  
“So you're making up for lost time?” Jadzia redirected, eyes mischievous. “Because I'm certain I smiled more than once in Ops today.” She grinned as Kira laughed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story of what happened to Audrid's husband is summarized from The Lives of Dax novel.


	8. Tekeny Ghemor

“Nerys, it's been too long since you've called.” The old man smiled warmly.   
“I know, Tekeny, I'm sorry, I've been busy.” She smiled in return. “Could I ask you some questions about Cardassian culture?”   
“Of course, what do you want to know?”   
“What does a Night Parent do for young adults?”   
“Oh, take them out for meals, ask about their plans for the future and how they can help accomplish them, give advice on careers and becoming more mature and responsible while staying loyal to the family, that sort of thing. While direct family members maintain a hierarchical relation and can be slower to relate to the young adult as an adult, Night Parents can help the young adult learn to relate to others as an adult instead of a child. Why do you ask?”   
“It's a long story.” She shook her head.   
“I've got nothing but time.” 

“I apparently unofficially adopted a daughter. She's half Cardassian, half Bajoran, and I'm watching after her while she stays on the station. I volunteered, actually, I didn't want her going with her Cardassian father is on a dangerous mission. He seems like he does care for her now, but he nearly killed her when I met her about a year ago.”   
“And you've become close with her?”   
“Very close.” Kira smiled. “Do you remember Elim Garak, you told me never to trust him? He’s a tailor on the station, and he’s also become close to her, and I'm worried about what it might do to her if he betrays her.”   
“He's accepted the title of Night Father?”   
“I think so.”   
“Keep an eye on him, but if he is her Night Father, you shouldn’t worry too much. A Night Parent is committed to helping the child attain their goals.” He assured.   
“I'm just wondering, have you possibly heard anything about him being welcomed back to Cardassia?”   
“I'm an old man, Nerys, and an off-world dissident, they don't tell me much.” He smiled. “But I don't think he'd be asked to return for anything less than saving the life of the entire Central Council.”   
“Thank you, Tekeny.” 

“Tell me more about this young woman, I'm intrigued.”   
“Her name's Tora Ziyal, she's 19, and very strong. Garak and I are both teaching her about her heritages, but I've never raised a teenager before, I don't know how much time I should be spending with her, how much advice and guidance I should be giving…”   
“I remember when Iliana was about that age. She was determined to get into the Obsidian Order. I praised her sculpture work, asked her about what she wanted to accomplish, tried to suggest less dangerous career paths, tried to convince her that she didn't need to take that many risks for the state, but she couldn't be swayed. So I supported her.” Tekeny shrugged with a smile.   
“That does help.” Kira smiled as well. “If Ziyal agrees, would you like to meet her on one of our calls?”   
“I would like that very much. There hasn’t been much of interest going on with the Mathenites, what about you?”   
“Never a dull moment here.” Kira replied. “Our Chief of Engineering’s wife is pregnant, so he’s going to need paternity leave in a few months. Did I tell you about the false Emissary, Akorem Laan?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's short, and entirely dialogue. Those are things I need to work on.


	9. Making a Friend

“I saw Jake today.” Ziyal announced when Kira called the door open.   
“Did you ask him about his writing?”   
“Not yet.”   
“What’d you talk about?”   
“We just said hi.” Ziyal admitted, sitting on the couch.   
“That's a good start.” Kira encouraged.   
“It's just, I've never had to make friends my own age before. When I was little, it was mostly just me, and mother, and father. There were only a few other children I was allowed to play with. Then in the Breen camp I was the youngest one there, and we were all friends against the Breen. On Cardassia no-one wanted to be my friend, and on my father's ship, I was the youngest one and the Captain's daughter.” She explained.   
“Okay, so you don't have a lot of practice.” Kira sat next to her. “Neither did I. When I first got to DS9 I had zero interest in making friends.”   
“So how did you?”   
“Well, I was stuck working with everyone in Ops for hours almost every day, and I lucked out that Jadzia wanted to be my friend, even though I acted like a Terran porcupine.”   
“So what can I do?”   
“Well, you've got school lessons on the computer, right? Maybe you could ask him for help with something? I don't know, Jadzia's much better at making friends than me, you should ask her.”   
“What, just ask her ‘Jadzia how do I make friends’?”   
“Sure, why not?” Kira shrugged. “She’s got to have some suggestions based on what she does.”   
“Well, what do you do to make friends?” Ziyal asked.   
“Find something we have in common. Like you in the Breen camp, it was easy for me to make friends with other Bajorans during the Occupation because we had a common enemy, a common goal.”   
“How did you make friends on the station?”   
“Like I said, Jadzia did most of the heavy lifting at first, but it helped that our senses of humor aligned.”   
“What did you joke about?” Ziyal smiled.   
“Oh, there was this one early mission we were on, about a year after we’d come to DS9, we were on Jeraddo and had to get an old ship working. We were nervous, so Jadzia and I joked about having to live on the moon for a while, eating palukoos, since the ship was small we joked about that, I said Starfleet types like her rely too much on sensors and not enough on their own senses, she said her sense of preservation told her not to get in the ship. Even when we crash landed, she was joking about how I wasn’t her superior officer and she was older so I had to listen to her.” Kira shook her head at the memory. The door chimed and she called it open. 

“Care for some company?” Jadzia asked.   
“You must have been drawn here, we were just talking about you.” Ziyal smiled.   
“You were?” Jadzia entered.   
“Kira was telling me about your mission on Jeraddo.”   
“Oh, with the ship that was falling apart beneath us!” Jadzia recognized with a grin. “Did she also tell you about the time she wanted to transport ship-to-ship while at warp 4 or so?”   
“No!” Ziyal grinned.   
“We were desperate!” Kira defended, Jadzia laughed. “Anyway, we're not talking about that, Ziyal and I were discussing how you and I became friends.”   
“I haven’t had much practice making friends, and Kira was hoping you could give me some tips?” Ziyal asked Jadzia.   
“Don’t try to make friends like I made friends with Kira.” Jadzia chuckled. “People like to talk about themselves, the easiest way to make friends is to ask them about themselves and find something you’re interested in and can have a conversation about.” She advised.   
“Kira suggested asking Jake for help with schoolwork.”   
“That could definitely lead to a friendship.” Jadzia agreed.   
“Hey, isn't your birthday coming up? You could invite a few young people to a little get together.” Kira suggested.   
“That’s the problem, I don’t know any young people.” Ziyal explained, tail twitching in annoyance.   
“If you want to have a birthday party, I could organize one.” Jadzia offered.   
“I think it would be weird to invite people I don’t really know to my birthday. Presumptuous.”   
“Then you’re going to have to talk to Jake yourself.” Kira replied. Ziyal sighed.   
“Jake’s used to making friends, don’t worry.” Jadzia added. “Before they moved here, the Sisko boys spent 3 years at the Utopia Planitia shipyards. Children of Starfleet officers unfortunately get used to leaving friends behind and making new friends when their parents get a new assignment.”   
“I just wish I could skip ahead to when we're already friends.” Ziyal complained.   
“What would you and Jake do as friends?” Jadzia asked.   
“I don't know. Hang out at Quark's, maybe visit a holosuite. Since he likes to write and I like to draw we could work together on stories or something.”   
“Well, there’s some ideas for things you could invite him to do to become friends.”   
“Speaking of your birthday, what would you like to do?” Kira asked.   
“I think I'd like to have dinner with the two of you, and Garak and Julian.” Ziyal replied. “You don't have to get me anything.”   
“Can we get you things if we want to?” Jadzia asked.   
“Okay, but please don't feel obligated.” 

Kira got Ziyal a padd with dozens of drawing lessons loaded on it. Jadzia got her knee-high socks that heated up to keep one's feet warm, and matching tail-warmer. Garak got her a simple holosuite program where famous painters created a few of their works, and the computer provided the necessary tools for the player to follow along on their own easel. Julian got her a tin of her favorite tea, not replicated. She hugged all of them, tail swaying. Kira and Garak managed to keep their insults to a minimum at dinner in Ziyal's quarters, though the other three carried the conversation. 

Kira left Ops and went to get a Synthale at Quark’s. Humans had a saying about raining and pouring that she thought probably fit her day. She may ask Jadzia about it later, her girlfriend had already gone to try and convince Worf to spar. She sat at the bar and ordered her drink, then glanced around and saw Ziyal and Jake talking animatedly in a corner by the Dabo tables. They weren't as well-hidden as they would be soon, with so many people getting off-shift. She debated going to say hello. Would the young adults think it friendly or intrusive? Maybe if she only stayed for a minute.   
"Hey, what are you two up to?" She smiled as she walked over, drink in hand.   
"Hey Kira." Ziyal smiled. "We were trying to do my math work, but Jake doesn't understand imaginary exponents, either."   
"Don't ask me." Kira chuckled.   
"Are you and Jadzia not hanging out together tonight?" Jake asked.   
"No, we had a stressful shift so she went to try and convince Worf to work out with her." Kira responded.   
"Bashir and O'Brien are already up there." He grinned. Kira shook her head.   
"Well, I'm not sticking around, just wanted to say hi. If Jadzia stops by, give her my best."   
"Okay. See you." Ziyal smiled as Kira left.


	10. Parenting With Garak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mostly write on my phone and these chapters look so much longer there :( I'm working on writing conflict and not immediately resolving it.

“We need to talk about Ziyal.” Kira stated as she strode into Garak's shop.   
“Oh?” He continued straightening a display.   
“After your dinner last night she came to my quarters, frustrated about how you keep talking about her father.”   
“I only spoke the truth.”   
“That's not the point, Garak. As much as I dislike it, you're one of the people on this station she's closest to. If you and I can't disguise how we feel about Dukat, what do you think that's going to do to her?”   
“Don't coddle her, Major, she's 20 years old.” He moved to re-fold some blouses.   
“But she acts at least 5 years younger.” Kira pointed out as she followed him at a distance.   
“Which is why I've been treating her as a mature adult, to encourage her to act her age. It seems you're content to allow her to remain juvenile.”   
“Do you really think forcing her to grow up is the best plan?” Kira asked, stepping closer.   
“It's how young people are treated on Cardassia. No-one has an easy time of growing up, but everyone has to do it. She is half Cardassian.” Garak continued to neaten his shop, Kira continued to follow him.   
“She's also half Bajoran, and in case you forgot she wasn't treated too well on Cardassia.”   
“Well, that was Dukat's fault. He brought evidence of his affair -with what was once considered a lesser life form- home to his wife and children.” Garak didn't look at Kira, calmly avoiding her glare.   
“Regardless of whose fault it is, she didn't have much of a childhood or adolescence, and I think it's important to let her experience that.” Kira argued, remembering her own adolescence in the Shakaar resistance cell. Garak finally turned to look at her, failing to suppress his tail twitching in annoyance.   
“And you're welcome to do that, Major, but I take my responsibilities as Night Father seriously, and that includes preparing Ziyal for things like people treating her her age, and understanding how everyone views her father.”   
“Okay, Garak, fine. I only came here for Ziyal's benefit, but it's clear we're not going to see eye to eye on this. I hope you don't screw up your Night Fatherhood.” She shot and left. 

How was she supposed to help Ziyal grow up if the other major force in Ziyal's life was so opposed to even discussing what she thought was best? Kira smiled inwardly as she thought of the ridiculousness of herself and Garak discussing raising Ziyal in couples counseling. She again toyed with the idea of asking Sisko about getting a station counselor, though. Did Cardassians even give counseling much weight? Bajorans tended to speak to spiritual leaders for help with emotional problems, but Kira knew that might have been due to the Occupation making access to mental healthcare scarce. Another question for Tekeny the next time they spoke. But what was she going to do about Garak? Maybe her girlfriend would have some ideas. 

“I have a parenting question.” She stated over lunch the next day.    
“Go ahead.” Jadzia smiled.    
“Have any past hosts had disagreements with their partner about how to raise the children?”    
“Well, Tobin’s wife would get frustrated with him because he couldn’t say ‘no’ to his kids, sometimes they’d argue about it. Does that apply?”    
“Not really.” Kira frowned. “Garak thinks Ziyal should be treated her age and encouraged to mature quickly. I think she should be allowed to mature at her own pace. Growing up in the Occupation, I had to mature fast, and I don’t want that for Ziyal.”    
“Did you talk to Garak about it?” Jadzia asked. Kira nodded.    
“Yep, he said that all young adults are treated like that on Cardassia, that growing up sucks, but everyone’s got to do it.”    
“Torias didn’t.” Jadzia mentioned.   
“Which one was-?”    
“The pilot.” Jadzia supplied before Kira finished her question. Kira stared at her for a few seconds, Jadzia frowned in confusion.    
“Dax, did you just joke about his death?” Kira asked, stunned at her girlfriend's nonchalance.    
“Oh!” Her eyes widened in surprise. “No! No, that’s not how I meant it at all!” She assured. “No, I just meant Torias was very immature. He was cocky and overconfident, a bit of an adrenaline junkie, he didn’t much care about what others thought of him, aside from the Joining Commission and Nilani Kahn. Anyway, you’re basing your parenting style for Ziyal on how you were raised, right? Garak’s probably doing the same. If everyone’s treated like that on Cardassia, he doesn’t see a problem in it. Some parents repeat the mistakes of their parents because they can’t see them as mistakes, just as part of what molded them into the person they are now.”    
“The person Garak is now is an annoying, self-serving-”    
“Cardassian.” Jadzia interrupted. “He’s a Cardassian, he’s raising Ziyal as a Cardassian, he can’t see any problem in it.”    
“I’ve tried telling him she doesn’t like it.” Kira complained.    
“Garak probably didn’t like it growing up either.” Jadzia shrugged. “He probably views it like how young children don’t always like doing things that are good for them.”    
“Then how am I supposed to get him to listen to me?” Kira sighed.    
“This may be something Ziyal has to do herself.” Jadzia replied. “She’s old enough to ask him to parent her a particular way.”    
“It feels like pushing her to grow up, though.” Kira frowned.    
“Weren’t you teaching her combat techniques the second time you met her?” Jadzia pointed out.    
“That was different, we were in a combat situation.” Kira rebutted.    
“But you still trusted her to be able to defend herself. Trust her to be able to do this.”   
"Guess I don't really have a choice, do I?" Kira muttered. 


	11. Kira and Tekeny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the-last-dillards on tumblr for finding the picture of Garak with pincushion that influenced me giving Cardassians tails in this fic. Pic: https://wobblycompetencies.tumblr.com/post/163229469464/

“Did I ever tell you about the time I was kidnapped by the Obsidian Order?” Kira asked Ziyal over dinner in her quarters. Ziyal inhaled her drink and started coughing, tail twitching in agitation.   
“You what?!” Ziyal demanded, still coughing into her napkin.   
“You sure you're alright?”   
“I'm fine. Tell me more.” She did her best to muffle her last coughs.   
“They weren't even interested in me, don't worry. There's a man, Legate Tekeny Ghemor, formerly Central Command, who holds some dissenting views from the government. His daughter, Iliana, worked for the Obsidian Order. As part of a mission about twelve or thirteen years ago, she was surgically altered to look Bajoran, and apparently looked incredibly similar to me. I woke up in Tekeny Ghemor's house, in Iliana's room, with everyone trying to convince me that I was her and all my memories of growing up Bajoran were implanted.”   
“Why?  Are you-?” Ziyal interrupted.   
“I'm 100% Bajoran, Bashir checked when I got back. When I didn't remember being Iliana because I never was her, the Obsidian Order wanted to take me for more intense memory procedures. Tekeny Ghemor got in contact with some other dissidents to get me safely off Cardassia, which was what the Obsidian Order wanted. The whole thing was a set up to capture him, they'd used me because my skeletal structure was similar to Tekeny’s daughter, but I didn't have any memories of being her, they hoped the threat to what he believed to be his long-lost daughter would force his hand into exposing himself as a dissident.” Kira explained.   
“What happened to Tekeny and Iliana Ghemor? And why are you telling me this?” Ziyal asked.   
“We still don't know if Iliana Ghemor is alive or dead.” Kira sighed. “Tekeny and I were rescued by Sisko, Odo, and Garak. He’s staying with the Mathenites as a political refugee, we talk on subspace.”    
“Why?” Ziyal frowned.    


“This is why I’m telling you this story. Tekeny basically adopted me as his daughter, like I’ve basically adopted you. He’d like to talk with you, if you’d want to.”   
“Why does he want to talk to me?”   
“Well, like you and Garak, he's living with a different species, unable to return to Cardassia. He also wants to talk to you because I've told him a bit about you when I asked his advice for taking care of a young adult.”   
“You asked him for advice?” Ziyal frowned.   
“I've never been responsible for anyone your age before!” Kira defended. “I had no clue how much independence young people are given are Cardassia, or what a Night Father does, anything like that. I also asked Jadzia for advice, some of her past hosts have been parents.”   
“Have you asked Captain Sisko?”  
“No, but I might in the future if I feel I need it. Anyway, Tekeny has told me that he would be happy to act as Grandfather to you if you want.” 

“Why does he treat you like a daughter? He knows you're not Iliana.”   
“I don't know. I guess I remind him of her, even when I'm not surgically altered to look like her. He's said we're both very stubborn.”   
“Why do you allow him to treat you like his daughter?”   
“Tekeny was one of the first Cardassians who showed me kindness.” Kira replied softly, staring at her plate. “The drug that the Obsidian Order gave me to restore my memories of being Iliana should have started working within hours. If they even gave me one, I don't know. But Tekeny protected me for days. Even when he had to have known I wasn't Iliana, he put himself in danger to get me off Cardassia, and gave me this.” She pulled Iliana's mother's bracelet from her wrist and showed it to Ziyal. “It was his wife's. Tekeny gave it to me right before another dissident showed up to help me escape. I keep telling him that I'm just keeping it safe until we find Iliana, but I think I will miss him if we find her alive. It's been nice to have a father these past few years, when we've been the closest thing to family each other has.”   
“I would like to talk to him.” Ziyal smiled.  
“I plan to call him the day after tomorrow.” Kira smiled in return. 

“Hello, Mr. Ghemor.” Ziyal sat down next to Kira stiffly.   
“You can call me Tekeny if you like.” He smiled. “Nerys has been very respectful of your privacy, so I don’t know much about you, but I’d be happy to learn if you’d like to share.”  
“My life isn’t that interesting, most days I do schoolwork on my padd.” She shrugged. “Kira and I attend services in the Bajoran shrine every week. I like to draw and paint, but I’ve never been taught or anything.”   
“My daughter, Iliana, was an artist. She was more of a sculptor, though.” Tekeny related. Ziyal looked to Kira, surprised.   
“Yes, I know.” Kira sighed.   
“Something you two would like to tell me?” Tekeny asked.   
“When I told Ziyal how you and I met, I mentioned that Iliana and I have some similarities. A year or so ago I tried my hand at sculpture, with Ziyal trying to teach me how to see like an artist.”   
“Ah, yes, I recall.” Tekeny smiled.   
“How long have you two known each other?” Ziyal asked.   
“A couple of years.” Kira shrugged. “It was around 48245, I don’t remember the exact dates.”  
"You arrived in my house on 48239, we left Cardassia on 48243." Tekeny added. "I'm not sure how long Entek had you beforehand."   



	12. Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a rewrite/companion to the season 4 episode 'Body Parts' (episode 24 or 25 depending on where you're watching).

Ziyal arrived at the Infirmary only a minute after Dr. Bashir called her, tail stiff, taking Jadzia’s hand as they went to see Kira.    
“Hey.” Kira smiled at them from the bio-bed.    
“You’re-!” Ziyal gasped at Kira’s suddenly rounded stomach.    
“Going to be carrying Keiko’s baby.” Kira finished.    
“Nerys, what happened?” Jadzia asked, her free hand finding Kira’s.    
“I was piloting us through an asteroid field, I thought we were in the clear, then the shields went down and an asteroid hit us.” Kira sighed. “Keiko got hurt, the baby needed help, so I- I volunteered.” Kira squeezed Jadzia’s hand. “Surprise.”    
“Is Keiko okay?” Jadzia glanced around the infirmary.    
“Bashir’s doing surgery on her, but he said she’ll be fine. He also said that due to how my blood vessels work the baby can’t be transferred back.”    
“So you’re going to give birth to Keiko’s baby.” Ziyal breathed. Kira nodded.    
“Bashir’s confident he can help my body carry a Human baby in a way that’s safe for both of us, it’s just a very sudden adjustment for me… Jadzia, you haven’t said much.” Kira squeezed her hand again.    
“It’s just… Wow.” She chuckled. “Are you comfortable?”    
“I think I’m as comfortable as I’m going to get for a while.” Kira joked.    
“Do you know how long until you give birth?”    
“Bajoran pregnancies last 5 months, but I know Human pregnancies are longer. There hasn’t been a lot of time for Bashir to talk, really. He made sure I understood the consequences of accepting Keiko’s baby, then he was focused on keeping all three of us stable, and piloting the runabout. When we got back he told the nurses a bunch of medical stuff and took Keiko into surgery. And I don’t think there’s really a guide for this sort of thing. Ziyal, remember when I told you that Keiko and I only knew each other in passing?”    
“Sure.”    
“I think we’re going to get a lot-” She sneezed.   
"Bless you." Ziyal replied. Kira continued to sneeze.   
"Five. Six." Jadzia counted. "Should I get a nurse?" Kira shook her head.   
"A lot closer." Kira finished her sentence. "I'm fine Jadzia, Bajorans sneeze more often when pregnant."   
"Father told me that when Mother was pregnant, she'd sneeze so loudly he swore he could hear her from anywhere on the station." Ziyal added.   
"But you just got pregnant not 24 hours ago." Jadzia stated, confused.  
"I just got VERY pregnant not 24 hours ago, and my body's adjusting." Kira sighed. 

“You know how I’ve been spending a lot of time with the O’Briens the past few days?” Kira asked Jadzia in Ops before work. “Keiko's walking on her own, by the way.”   
“That’s good. How are they doing on calling you Nerys?” Jadzia asked.   
“Getting better. They invited me to stay in their quarters. Until the baby’s born.”   
“What do you think?”   
“It would be easier for them to be closer to their baby." Kira reasoned. "But I don’t know about us.”   
“We’d still have my quarters if we wanted some private space, and you know you’re always welcome to sleep over.” They slept over in each others’ quarters so much they’d both gotten 2-person beds. “And it’s not as if you’d be spending all your time there, you don't spend all your time in your quarters now. You would have to share living space with the three O'Briens.” Jadzia continued.  
“I'm sharing my body with their baby.” Kira pointed out. “And we're all adults, besides Molly, who's a little sweetheart.”  
“It sounds like a yes.”  
“Seems like. I'll have to tell Keiko and Miles that you and Ziyal will probably be stopping by at some point.” 

Kira was touched that the O’Briens had converted what they had planned to be the nursery into a bedroom for her, and had thought to include a Bajoran prayer wheel. Suddenly Molly popped out from behind Keiko.   
“Are you my aunt?” She asked. Kira blinked, stunned.   
“Well-” She stopped, unsure how the O’Briens wanted her to respond.   
“Sounds right to me.” Miles and Keiko smiled at her. Kira nodded. Her family seemed to be growing fast, and filling up with aliens.   
“Aunt Nerys.” She smiled at Molly.   
“Aunt Nerys, can I play in your room?”   
“Anytime you want.” Kira grinned. Molly immediately climbed on the bed. Keiko and Miles went to start dinner and Kira took the opportunity to take her painting out of her bag, one of the only things she’d brought from her quarters that wasn’t clothing.   
“What’s that?” Molly asked, pointing to it.   
“A painting I made, with the help of my friend Ziyal.” Kira showed her.   
“What is it?” She asked again. Kira tried not to get frustrated that Molly couldn’t tell what it was.   
“It’s a field of flowers.”   
“Where?” Molly leaned her face close to the painting.   
“They’re far away, so you can’t see the petals, just the colors.” Kira explained.   
“That’s a lot of flowers. I never seed that many flowers before.” Molly said. Kira remembered walking through field after field of wildflowers with the Shakaar resistance cell, in summers so hot that the Cardassians were comfortable.   
“Well there's lots and lots of flowers on Bajor, maybe someday you’ll see even more flowers than this.” She replied.   
“That’s a lot of flowers.” Molly repeated. 

“Molly, are you being good?” Keiko called through the door.    
“Yes, Mommy! Aunt Nerys is showing me her painting!” Molly replied as the door opened.   
“Nerys, just let us know if you’d like some alone time to get settled.” Keiko smiled. Kira set her painting against the prayer wheel.    
“I’m settled.” She shrugged at Keiko.    
“I didn’t know you paint.” Keiko stepped closer to get a better look.    
“I don’t really. Ziyal encouraged me to paint that, I had no clue what I was doing.”    
“I like it, I can tell it’s someplace that makes you happy.”    
“Yeah.” Kira smiled as she looked at the painting again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized that the first sentence of this is possibly the only narrative switch in the entire story. Did you notice? How do you feel about it? I may be open to writing from Ziyal's POV more if you're all interested in it.  
> The next two weeks will be a rewrite of the Risa episode! I did my best to make it more narratively cohesive and in-character.


	13. Risa 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and next are rewrites of 5.7 "Let He Who is Without Sin". I did my best.

“Major.” Sisko called her into his office. “Dax has put in for a week of leave and requested a runabout to go to Risa. I'll need your leave request soon, too.”  
“I'm not going, sir.” She replied. “I don't think I'd really enjoy Risa, so I'm letting Jadzia have fun on her own. And, to be honest, I wasn't sure if Starfleet would grant the request, given the scrutiny they've given our relationship in the past.”  
“I’ve told you, it’s standard procedure for relationships between officers of different ranks, they want to ensure that you're not abusing your power.” Sisko sighed in explanation. “They’re not going to prevent you taking a vacation together.”  
“As if anyone could convince Dax to be in a relationship she didn't want to be in.” Kira shook her head.  
“They haven't met Dax.” Sisko grinned. “Get your leave request in on time.”

“Major, a quick question?” Bashir asked as she passed the Infirmary. She turned to him. “Would it be too much of an imposition for Leeta and I to share your runabout to Risa?”  
“You’ll have to ask Jadzia, I'm not going.”  
“You're not? I thought you and Dax were going on a romantic getaway.” He frowned.   
“Nope.”  
“Are things alright with you-?”  
“We're fine, I just don't think I'd like a place like Risa.” Kira explained.    
“Why not?”  
“From what I've read, it's a planet devoted to relaxation.” She replied. He nodded, frowning in confusion or concentration. “I'm not good at relaxation, I need to have something to do.” She added.  
“Right. Well, then, I hope you have a productive week while Jadzia's away?”  
“Go ask her if you can join her.” Kira dismissed him.

“Are you sure, Nerys?” Jadzia asked as they cuddled on the O'Briens’ couch, who had quickly gotten used to having Jadzia, Ziyal, or both over at least once a week.  
“I told you, I can't just spend all day doing nothing.” Kira replied.  
“It's not nothing, though. There’s Terran volleyball, ceramics, hot springs, massages…”  
“I don't know.” Kira sighed.  
“You're always saying you prefer the real thing to the holosuites, this is a chance to do the real thing!” Jadzia cajoled.   
“What about Ziyal?” Kira asked.  
“She's more than old enough for us to go on vacation for a week, or come with us and do her own thing for some parts.” Jadzia replied. “The temperature on Risa should be very comfortable for Cardassian standards.”  
“I don't know.” Kira repeated.  
“Keiko, help me out, here.” Jadzia looked to the other woman, who had been unobtrusively doing laundry.  
“She has a response for all your objections, Nerys, it's probably better to just give in. Besides, they might give even better foot massages than Miles.” Keiko smiled with a raise of her eyebrows.  
“No fair asking Keiko to be on your side.” Kira objected.  
“Okay.” Jadzia smiled as as Keiko chuckled. “Keiko,” Jadzia grinned and affected an official tone, “as a neutral third party, what do you think Kira should do?”  
“I still think you should go on vacation.” She grinned.  
“Ha!” Jadzia smiled winningly.  
“I'm being tag-teamed.” Kira smiled. “Ganged up on.” She added as Miles entered with Molly. “Peer pressured. Hey Miles, hey Molly.”  
“Welcome home, honey.” Keiko went to give her family a hug and kiss. Miles greeted everyone as Molly clambered up to sit between Kira and Jadzia.  
“What's that I heard about peer pressure?” Miles asked.  
“Our partners are trying to convince me I should go on vacation to Risa.” Kira replied. “Keiko even had the nerve to suggest that they might be better than you at massages.”  
“As long as she didn't say they're better engineers.” He smiled. “Honestly, take some time for the two of you. Keiko and I will live.” He encouraged.  
“I'll have to talk to Julian about it.” Kira sighed. Jadzia kissed her cheek.

“I'm just worried that since Bajorans need to be relaxed to give birth, if I go to Risa I might have the baby without Miles and Keiko there.” Kira explained as Julian looked at the readings from the bio-bed.  
“Nothing to worry about, Major, you won't be ready to give birth for another month and a half at least.” Julian replied. “In the meantime, I think a relaxing vacation would do you both good.”  
“Alright. And you and Leeta can join us in the runabout, no sense taking two.” Kira got up and headed out.  
“About that…” Julian stopped Kira from leaving the Infirmary. She turned back to him with a frown. “The only way Leeta could get time off was by promising Quark he could join us.” He explained apologetically.  
“Oh, I could kill that conniving little-" Kira cut off with a sneeze.  
"I agree." Julian commented with a smile as Kira continued to sneeze.  
"That has to be against some Starfleet regulation, right?” She asked.  
“Unfortunately not, I checked.” Julian frowned. “Still, I think we'll be able to put up with him for a couple of runabout trips, and it's not as if Risa's that far away.”  
“I guess.” Kira sighed. “But with Jadzia and Ziyal and I, you and Leeta, and now Quark, I probably will need some relaxation by the time we get there.”  
“Leeta and I really appreciate it.” Julian smiled.  
“Make sure Quark knows he’s on very thin ice with me.” Kira replied as she left.

Jadzia had changed into a one-piece swimsuit and wrap to explore, Kira had changed into pants and a short sleeved tunic, Ziyal had changed into a looser dress made of lighter fabric than those she wore on the station. Kira and Jadzia had hidden the horga’hn Quark had given them in their luggage.   
“Arandis!” Jadzia hugged the woman they ran into outside the hotel. “I was hoping you'd still be here.”  
“I’ve actually been promoted.”  
“Congratulations.” Jadzia grinned before turning to her companions. “Kira, Ziyal, this is Arandis, she knew me as Curzon. Arandis, my girlfriend Kira and our daughter Ziyal.” Jadzia introduced.  
“Well, Dax, I was just about to congratulate you on getting a hot new body, but apparently you managed to get three and a half!” Arandis grinned.  
“So you uh, you knew Curzon Dax?” Kira reiterated as Arandis blatantly looked Jadzia up and down.  
“Yes, and I was one of the last to see him alive, such a sweet old man.” Arandis frowned for a second.  
“He died happy.” Jadzia soothed. “He didn't consider it murder or euthanasia or anything.”  
“He what?” Ziyal interrupted.  
“Curzon had a heart attack here on Risa that lead to Dax being transferred to me a few days later on Trill.” Jadzia explained.  
“Death by jamaharon, and I'm the one that killed him.” Arandis added, not looking very repentant. “Though he knew what he was getting into.”  
“I take it he wasn't here with any Klingons?” Kira asked.  
“No, we don't tend to get many Klingon guests here.” Arandis confirmed.  
“They think it's too soft and Starfleet-like.” Jadzia explained.  
“Speaking of soft, Kira, if you need anything while you're here we have highly trained doctors, and many different types of mobility aids that shouldn't affect your enjoyment too much.” Arandis offered. “Do you know when you're due?”  
“Not for another month and a half or so.”  
“You may not be able to participate in the beach sports we offer, but we have many other attractions that aren't as physically strenuous.”  
“I've heard good things about the masseuses here.” Kira looked to Jadzia.  
“I took the liberty of booking you a session tonight in our room.” Jadzia replied with a quick kiss to Kira's nasal ridges. Kira smiled at her.  
“Ziyal, was it?” Arandis asked. She nodded. “We pride ourselves on being a welcoming place for all. All of you please let us know if we can do anything to make your stay more comfortable, and remember that if you need or want anything, all that is ours is yours.” Arandis smiled and left.  
“Should we have an early lunch, or do something first?” Jadzia asked.  
“I'm not hungry yet.” Ziyal replied.  
“Me either.” Kira agreed.  
“I read about their hot springs, I'd like to see them.” Ziyal suggested.  
“Would you be okay with us accompanying you?” Jadzia asked. Ziyal nodded with a smile.

At the hot springs Ziyal stepped in, sitting in the water in her dress, tail swaying slightly. Jadzia and Kira sat on the edge and dangled their feet in, but got too hot within less than half an hour and told Ziyal they were going to do something else.  
“Remember that the Risians want everyone to feel welcome here, tell them or find us if you need anything.” Jadzia said.   
“I know, Jadzia, I'll be fine.” Ziyal smiled. “No one's reacted to me badly that I've seen.”  
“It's hard to ignore the mothering instinct. Have fun.”  
“You too.” Ziyal waved goodbye.

“How old is Arandis?” Kira asked.   
“I think she’s in her early thirties, though I don’t know much about Risian maturation.” Jadzia replied.  
“She killed Curzon.”  
“Not on purpose, but yes.”  
“And that was what, 5 years ago?” Kira stopped as they entered the hotel, stumbling upon Leeta flirting with a Risian man.  
“Hey, you two!” Leeta smiled at them. “We were going to have a milk bath, care to join us?”  
“Maybe later.” Jadzia smiled tightly and led Kira away, continuing their conversation. “Yes, Curzon and Arandis had a large difference in age, but Curzon didn’t coerce her in any way, and she seems to be friendly with me.”  
“Maybe a little too friendly, flirting like that in front of me.” Kira muttered. “And what’s Leeta doing with that guy?”  
“That’s none of our business.” Jadzia pointed out. “You know I’m not going to do anything. You trust me with Worf, why is Arandis different?”  
“Worf doesn’t flirt with you and give you bedroom eyes in front of me.” Kira rebutted. “And you’re always wearing pants and long sleeves around Worf.”  
“Hey.” Jadzia gently took Kira’s hands and threaded their fingers together. “Arandis isn’t going to take me from you. C’mon, I remember there’s some fruit trees this way.” She smiled and led Kira out towards a more wooded area, where they spotted Julian sharing a hammock with and kissing a Risian woman.  
“Julian too!” Kira complained. “Just because we’re on a pleasure planet doesn’t mean-”  
“I know, Nerys, but it’s not our place to say anything.” Jadzia interrupted. “Maybe they’re trying an open relationship or something. Come on, I’m going to get you some nice fresh fruit.”

"Why do you like to come here if you don't like so much heat?" Kira asked as they headed back to the hotel, some freshly picked stone-type fruit in Jadzia’s wrap.  
"It's a pleasure planet, and the heat isn't intolerable. It's nice to be able to wear something skimpier than a Starfleet uniform and be comfortable." Jadzia grinned.  
"They don't look very comfortable." Kira nodded at a group of men in heavy, dark robes who seemed to be preaching near their hotel.  
"Who are those men?" Jadzia asked a Risian watching as well.  
"New Essentialists. The one talking is Pascal Fullerton.” He informed them.  
“We must restore the moral and cultural traditions of the Federation.” Fullerton lectured as other men passed among those watching, offering padds. “The self-indulgence of pleasure planets like Risa erode the foundations of Federation society. How can we be so selfish as to transform an entire planet from its original ecological niche just so we can have warm beaches to sun ourselves on? Especially when so many other planets and species are in need? How is this show of excess working to better ourselves?” Kira frowned as she considered his words and accepted a padd from one of the men handing them out. “The citizens of the Federation have come to believe that they are entitled to lives of ease.” Fullerton espoused as Julian wandered over to Kira and Jadzia. “If you want something to eat, you get it from a replicator. If you want amusement, you go to a holosuite. And if you need protection, you call for Starfleet.”  
“I may be wrong, but did he just insult us?” Julian asked. Jadzia raised her eyebrows at him.  
“But someday,” Fullerton continued, eyeing their group, “perhaps someday soon, you’re going to have to learn to take care of yourselves, without all this technological marvel. Just think, if I see you as helpless children, how do you think the Borg see you? Or the Romulans, or the Klingons, or the Dominion? These empires look at the Federation and they see a prize. One that we have forgotten how to protect, and if we don’t change our ways, they’re going to take it from us.”  
“Does he really believe that?” Julian asked.  
“I think he does.” Jadzia replied with a frown.  
“We can embrace the kind of hard work that built the Federation in the first place, or we can lie here napping in the sun, and wake up with Jem’Hadar guns to our heads. The choice is ours.” Fullerton concluded.  
  
“Mr. Fullerton certainly has a flair for the dramatic, don’t you think?” Arandis asked, walking up as the New Essentialists left.  
“Does he really expect the Borg to attack Risa?” Jadzia chuckled.  
“They might.” Kira added with a frown. “According to this padd, Risa has the most elaborate weather control system in the Federation to stop it from being a geologically unstable rainforest. Aren’t the Borg all about technology?”  
“The Borg have never gotten anywhere near Risa.” Arandis assured. “Starfleet officers have kept us safe, and when they get off work and need to relax, they can come here.”

"Hey, I met someone, can he come to dinner with us?" Ziyal asked over their late lunch.  
"I don't see why not." Kira smiled.  
"Of course." Jadzia grinned.  
"Tell us about him." Kira urged.  
"His name's Jakix, he's 22, he came here alone in his own ship." Ziyal grinned.  
"How does a 22 year old have his own ship?" Kira asked.  
"It's smaller than the runabout we took here, he showed it to me. He said he's been saving since he was young."  
"He showed you his ship?" Jadzia asked.  
"Just the outside, Garak's warned me about getting into spacecraft with strangers." Ziyal rolled her eyes. "And he didn't kidnap me, so there's no reason for you to be suspicious of him, okay? He's just a guy on vacation, like everyone else here."  
"Okay, we'll do our best to give him a fair shot." Kira smiled. "Don't let him pressure you into anything you don't want to do." She reminded. Ziyal rolled her eyes again.  
"We mean stuff like kissing, and stuff like Parrises Squares." Jadzia added. “I remember multiple hosts doing dangerous things or things they didn’t really want to do in order to impress a crush.”  
“I know, I won’t, please let’s talk about something else.” Ziyal groaned.  
“Where’d you meet him?” Kira asked with a smile, taking pity on her.  
“We were both watching a volleyball game, I asked if he understood how the game worked, so he explained it to me.”  
  
“Mind if we join you?” Leeta asked, holding hands with Julian.  
“Go ahead.” Jadzia smiled.  
“We’re having the best time, I’m so glad Julian convinced me to take this vacation.” She grinned as they sat.  
“I told you it was exactly what we needed.” He replied with a smile and a kiss.  
“How can you two-” Kira demanded.  
“ _Nerys!_ ” Jadzia hissed.  
“Oh, we forgot to tell you why we came here.” Julian realized.  
“We’re performing the Rite of Separation.” Leeta smiled at Kira. Kira sighed.  
“What’s the Rite of Separation?” Ziyal asked, looking between Leeta and Kira.  
“When a couple separates, they spend a few days celebrating the good times they had and seeking out new opportunities.” Leeta explained. “Speaking of, Julian, I don’t think I’ve gotten you completely out of my system yet.” She grinned.  
“I know exactly what you mean.” He replied. “Please excuse us, we have a few… details to work out.” They left quickly.  
“Was that for my benefit?” Ziyal asked, watching them go, Julian’s hand on Leeta’s butt. “Do they think I don’t know what everyone’s doing here?”  
“It tends to be better to be discrete in case someone isn’t comfortable talking or thinking about it.” Jadzia replied.

  
After lunch Kira and Jadzia returned to their room to find a horga’hn had been placed on the bed. Kira tossed it to a corner of the room and lay down to read the padd from the New Essentialists.  
"How could you honestly listen to those New Essentialists?” Jadzia asked a few minutes later. “How can you read that padd and think it has merit?"  
"Did they say anything that isn't true?" Kira replied.  
"They're promoting a false dichotomy. People need time to relax, working all the time isn't good for us. Being terrified of the Borg or whoever all the time isn't good psychologically." Jadzia responded.  
"I still don't think it's right that places like Risa exist when the resources could be put to much better use elsewhere. Why does the Federation need multiple pleasure planets?"  
“The Federation’s a big place, if Risa wasn’t here we’d have had to travel for over a week to the next closest pleasure planet. And I’d imagine they were set up while the Federation wasn’t devoting resources to societies in need.”  
"We could have gone to Bajor. It’s only 6 hours away, there are some beautiful views, and Bajor has beaches."  
"You can show me Bajor next vacation." Jadzia cuddled up behind Kira, put a hand on hers and gently moved the padd to the bed. “Did you want to stay in bed all afternoon? Or we could go do something, perhaps ceramics?”  
“You go have fun, I’m going to stay here.”  
“Are you sure you don’t want to join me? If your feet hurt we could get you a hoverchair.” Jadzia offered.  
“I think I feel like a nap, actually.”  
“That sounds nice.” Jadzia smiled.  
“You can go make ceramics if you want.” Kira offered, not wanting her girlfriend to have a boring vacation because of her.  
“Maybe later, or tomorrow, we’ve got time. Right now I just want to lay here and nap with you.” Jadzia cuddled close, one hand on Kira's belly, chuckling when the baby stretched.

"Nerys, we need to wake up." Jadzia murmured in her ear.  
"What time is it?"  
"Eighteen-thirty. We're meeting Ziyal and her new friend in half an hour for dinner, and you have a masseuse coming at twenty-one hundred."  
"Mmm, I forgot about that last one. These twenty four hour days are going to take a little adjusting to." Kira mentioned as she got up.  
“We probably just screwed up our sleep schedules.” Jadzia frowned.  
“Nothing we can do about it now.” Kira shrugged.

"Jadzia, Nerys, this is Jakix." Ziyal came up from behind them, tail stiff, and sat down at the table with a Romulan young man. "Jakix, this is my adopted mother Major Kira, and her girlfriend Commander Dax."  
"Pleased to meet you both." He smiled. They were all silent for an awkward few seconds.  
"Ziyal told us you have your own ship?" Jadzia asked with a smile of her own.  
“Yes, I have a small ship. I’ve wanted to be a pilot since I was young. According to my research, I’m at the equivalent of a level 4 Starfleet pilot.”  
“Impressive, congratulations.” Jadzia raised her eyebrows.  
“Thank you.”  
“What brings you to Risa?” Kira asked, forcing her tone to be nonchalant.  
“I’d heard that it was a very well-regarded pleasure planet, and having never visited one before, I decided it would be an interesting experience. I’m enjoying it so far.”  
“How long have you been here, Jakix?” Ziyal asked.  
“Today is my fourth day here. I’m staying for three more days.”  
“Today’s our first day, we’re staying for four more days.” Ziyal replied.  
"You're traveling alone? That must be exciting." Jadzia commented.  
"I like getting to decide what to do when, and knowing I'm responsible enough to handle any issues that may arise." He responded.   
"Issues like what?" Kira asked, tone not as friendly.  
"Kira." Ziyal objected in a whisper.  
"I've been caught in a cosmic dust storm that made warp impossible for a few days." He replied easily.

"Well Curzon's memories didn't make that easy." Jadzia sighed as Jakix left.  
"I don't trust him." Kira stated.  
"Of course we don't trust him, we've only known him an hour, if that." Jadzia replied before Ziyal could protest.  
"We don't know if he's telling the truth about anything." Kira added.  
"Though we could say that about anyone." Jadzia hedged.  
"He has no reason to lie to us." Ziyal crossed her arms.  
"He's a Romulan, they're paranoid." Kira replied flatly.  
"I knew it, I knew you were going to judge him based on his race!" Ziyal accused.  
"Romulans are taught to be xenophobic and paranoid their entire lives." Kira rebutted.  
"You don't know if he is! You don't know anything about him, but you're judging him based on his race. You tell me that anyone worth knowing would get to know me instead of judging me as Cardassian and Bajoran, but I guess that tolerance doesn't extend to others." Ziyal stated before striding away. Kira pressed her hands to her face.  
"Let's head to our room." Jadzia suggested softly. The other guests averted their gaze as the women left.

In their room, the new horga’hn had been moved from the corner back to the bed. Kira pushed it off and let it fall to the floor.  
"I don't want to be angry at her, but…" Kira groaned as she sat on the bed and lay back.  
"She's definitely acting immature." Jadzia agreed.  
"And I have no clue how to deal with it. We tried to be rational and she accused me of being intolerant."  
"You were being a little bit assuming." Jadzia replied apologetically. Kira threw her hands up in frustration. "Relax, he's only going to be here a few more days, and we can have a calmer, more rational discussion tomorrow." Jadzia soothed, sitting beside her and stroking her hair. “We can explain where we’re coming from, and Ziyal can explain her position. But for now, try to relax. Your masseuse will be here in about an hour.” Kira was glad to note that the man who arrived was completely professional after she told him she didn't want anything suggestive. And he was a little better at giving a massage than Miles. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summer online classes have started up and I'm dying :) Chapters after Risa 2 may be slow. That said, does anyone have any opinions on me rewriting 5.10 "Rapture" where Sisko finds B'hala?


	14. Risa 2

Kira and Jadzia were jolted out of sleep by the noise of things crashing to the ground. They, along with other guests and Risians, ran towards the noises. They found New Essentialists destroying one of the main rooms, breaking furniture, tearing hanging fabric, smashing pottery. Half of the New Essentialists kept the guests where they were with phaser rifles. Kira's hand went to grab her phaser on her hip, but she was wearing a nightgown, and had left her phaser in the runabout.   
"On three." Jadzia whispered to her. "One. Two."  
"Wait." Kira replied, looking more closely at the New Essentialists with weapons.

"Aren't you glad we’re not Borg?" Fullerton asked suddenly, stepping into view. Jadzia grabbed the gun of a distracted New Essentialist, immediately noticing that the power cells were empty, and announcing it to the room. The Risians and other guests relaxed. "We have no intention of hurting anyone." Fullerton announced. "But Borg, Jem'Hadar, Klingons, Romulans, they cannot say the same. If we had been a threat, you’d be dead now. The sad truth is: the galaxy is a hostile place. Forget that for even a moment and you risk losing everything." Fullerton nodded at the New Essentialists, who dispersed the crowd.   
“As a Starfleet officer, I have the authority to arrest you for what you just did.” Jadzia stated to Fullerton, hands on her hips.   
“That would be a waste of time, we both know the Risians won’t prosecute.” Fullerton replied confidently. “They don’t have the courage for it. Believe me, I wish they did.” He shifted his gaze to Kira. “Major Kira, what did you think of our little demonstration?”   
“I can’t say I’m a fan, if that’s what you’re looking for.” She frowned and walked closer, hand on her belly where the baby was kicking from all the late night excitement.   
“No, but I think you understand it.” He replied and left. Jadzia turned her head to look at Kira, who returned her gaze evenly. She wouldn’t have refuted it if she could.   
“Let’s go back to bed.” Jadzia sighed. Kira had a hard time falling back to sleep, unable to turn her thoughts from that of a surprise attack. She moved to her side, her other side, her back, but she couldn’t get comfortable. Jadzia wrapped her long limbs around her to keep her still, and fell asleep murmuring in her ear. Kira eventually fell back to sleep as well. 

She woke late, Jadzia had already gone out and left a padd on the bed. ‘Nerys, thought it best to let you sleep, I’m going to help the Risians clean up.’ it read. Kira changed into casual clothes, grabbed one of the fruits they’d picked the previous day, and went to find her girlfriend. She wondered what the time was on the station, how badly she was throwing off her sleep schedule.   
“Major Kira.” Jakix approached her.   
“I’m not in a good mood.” She warned.   
“I wanted to express my appreciation for your adopting Ziyal, and doing your best to treat me fairly.” He continued. “I apologize for surprising you yesterday.”   
“Understand this: if you hurt Ziyal-” Kira raised her breakfast between them and squeezed, smushing it in her hand. They both got sprayed with juice, but Kira continued to glare at the young man as he wiped his face.   
“I understand. My only intention with your daughter is temporary friendship.”   
“Okay.” She continued down the hallway, glancing into communal rooms, looking for Dax, eating her breakfast.   
  
Kira found Jadzia in an art room, sitting at a pottery wheel. Arandis was pressing against Jadzia from behind, chin on Jadzia's shoulder, guiding her hands. Jadzia happened to glance up and see Kira.   
“You didn’t tell me how difficult ceramics is.” She grinned, raising her voice to be heard across the room and above the noise of the wheel. Kira looked at Arandis, draped over Jadzia like a shawl, scowled, and left. “Kira? Kira.” Jadzia’s voice followed her, but she stayed at the pottery wheel. Kira returned to their room to find the new horga’hn already back on the bed. Already upset, she threw it at the wall, it broke into a few satisfying pieces. She sat on the bed, rubbing her stomach as the baby stretched, starting to feel embarrassed about her reaction to something as small as the horga’hn. But couldn’t the Risians take a hint?   
  
Kira found the New Essentialists in a small room.   
“I’m tired of giving speeches.” Fullerton was saying. “It’s time we took action.”   
‘We just took action.” One of the New Essentialists replied.   
“It’ll be forgotten by tomorrow.” Fullerton dismissed. Kira stepped into the room. “Major Kira.” He greeted.   
“If you want to make people leave Risa, I have an idea.” She informed them.   
“Please elaborate.” He smiled, pulling up a comfortable chair for her.   
“Risa’s natural state is rainy, right? And the only reason it’s so nice all the time is the climate and weather controls. If we can access that, we can just turn down the weather controls, it rains, no-one’s having a very good time.” She explained with a shrug. “It gets your point across and no-one gets hurt.”   
“Clever, a very good idea. Thank you, Major. By your saying ‘we’ I assume you intend to assist us?”   
“As much as I can, but don’t count me out of much.” She put a hand on her belly.   
  
Kira headed into the main part of the hotel with the New Essentialists.   
“You’re the cause of this.” Jadzia accused Fullerton.   
“Oh, I authorized it, but it was not my idea.” He nodded to Kira.   
“Kira?” Jadzia asked, as though unable to believe it. Kira nodded solemnly.   
“She’s serious?” Bashir asked.   
“She’s serious.” Jadzia confirmed. “What did you do, make an uplink to control the weather grid?”   
“We didn’t take control, we deactivated it. It’ll take a few days to fix and everyone will experience Risa’s natural rainy weather, and leave this pointless display of selfishness and excess.” Kira explained.   
“But why are you doing this?” Quark asked. “Is it because you’re angry and pregnant?”   
“It’s because Risa is an illusion.” Fullerton responded. “An illusion created by weather control grids, industrial replicators, seismic regulators. If the Federation is to survive, we’re going to have to stop wasting our time with toys and get back to the essentials.” He concluded.   
“I’m beginning to think there’s no hope for that man.” Arandis commented as Fullerton left. “Or for you either, Major.” She left and Kira’s companions stepped closer to talk more privately.   
“Major, with all due respect,” Bashir started, “are you out of your mind?”   
“It makes sense if you’d step off your pedestal and listen.” She replied flatly.   
“As much sense as Bajoran females can make, I assume.” Quark commented. “I forgive you, Major, I know being pregnant is hard-”   
“Shut up.” Kira scowled at him, crossing her arms.   
“I can’t believe you’d use resistance fighter techniques on Risa, this is wrong.” Jadzia stated.   
“Maybe on the surface, but if people can’t handle a little rain, how will they deal with a Dominion invasion? Or a Borg cube?” Kira left as they stared at her, silent.   
  
“Nerys!” Ziyal ran up and hugged her, Jakix trailing behind. “We couldn’t find you, everyone was so worried. I hope you didn’t get caught out in this rain.”   
"About that." Kira sighed. "It's probably better you hear this from me, the rain is my fault."   
"What? How? Why?"   
"We took down the weather grid because Risa rewards selfishness."   
"What?" Ziyal asked again.   
"The New Essentialists believe that the existence of pleasure planets like Risa encourage selfishness and are a weakness to the Federation for attacks by other species." Jakix summarized. Ziyal looked at Kira, confused.   
"I have a padd you can read if you want." Kira offered.   
“Sure. The Risians are replicating big metal dishes to build fires in, and warm sweaters and tea, want to join us?”   
“Sure.” Kira smiled, glad Ziyal seemed to have forgotten their disagreement. “I’ll grab the padd from our room and meet you there.” Those who didn’t want soggy food from the replicators all gathered around the fires, sticking meat, veggies, fruit, and an Earth sweet called marshmallows on metal skewers to roast. Jakix stayed by Ziyal’s side (keeping the young woman between himself and Kira), and from what Kira saw, he was perfectly respectful. Ziyal and Kira were best at cooking their food due to having the most experience without replicators, but even their marshmallows kept catching on fire.   
  
Over the next few days Ziyal read the padd the Essentialists had given Kira, but stayed neutral when Kira and Jadzia argued about it. The Risians did their best to keep everyone entertained despite the continual rain, organizing indoor hoverball games, emphasizing indoor activities like massages and arts and crafts. Kira wished she could play springball, but her pregnancy prevented such an active and rough sport, plus Risa didn’t have a court; but she wished she could burn off some of this energy. Unfortunately she couldn’t even safely go for a walk outside due to all the mud and risk of mudslides.

  
“According to our counts, the guest population on Risa has decreased 30% in the last 3 days.” A Bolian Essentialist informed Fullerton.   
“And the rest are certainly considering what you have to say now that the novelty of the rain has worn off.” Kira added from her seat.   
“It’s a start.” Fullerton responded.   
“One that you can build on.” She got up and headed to the door.   
“You’re leaving?” He asked.   
“We only ever planned on staying a few days.” She replied, confused about where Fullerton had gotten the notion she intended to stay permanently. “I have to get back to work, and my baby’s parents are probably worried about him.”   
“Well, Major, you’ve been an inspiration to us all.” He shook her hand.   
“Good luck.” She replied before she left.   
  
Kira was staring out the window at the rain when Jadzia entered their room.   
“You must be feeling pretty good about this.” She accused. “The weather’s terrible, guests are leaving, and tomorrow we’re going to be among them just because we have to get back to DS9.”   
“The fact that they’re leaving proves the New Essentialists' point.” Kira argued for what felt like the dozenth time.   
“No one wants to deal with rain for the entirety of their vacation.” Jadzia stated. “It’s not that Federation citizens can’t deal with difficult situations, Risa is supposed to be an escape from those situations. People need time to relax. You’re not going to make people morally stronger by ruining their vacations.”   
“I don’t expect you to understand.” Kira kept staring out the window. “We’ve proved that we’re not going to agree on this.”   
“I think I understand better than you do.” Jadzia stated, walking closer. “This isn’t about Risa. It isn’t even really about the Essentialists or the Federation. This is about you and me.” Kira looked back at her, confused as their argument went down a new path. “You got upset that I was friendly with Curzon’s old lover, and that turned into being upset at Julian and Leeta, and eventually all of Risa, the entire concept.” Jadzia accused. Kira turned to face her.   
“I got upset that she was flirting with you right in front of me! She didn’t know whether we have an open or closed relationship and she was acting like you were about to hop back in bed with her! And you let her, you encouraged her! This place doesn’t respect the commitments between people, and the Essentialists are right, it celebrates selfishness and is vulnerable to attack.” Kira shot back.   
“She’s not going to take me away from you.” Jadzia soothed.   
“You didn’t act like it.” Kira spat.   
“You’re right.” Jadzia sat on the bed. “I shouldn’t have flirted back with Arandis, and I should have let her know her flirting made you uncomfortable and wouldn’t be tolerated. Please understand that for me, flirting like that is just harmless fun.”   
“How am I supposed to know that when you come to a place like this, and walk around in just a bathing suit, and flirt with an old lover?” Kira sat down as well. “I try to trust you, I made sure not to be hovering over your shoulder the entire time, but what am I supposed to think when as soon as I left you alone, she was there trying to take my place? And my original plan was to stay on DS9, what would she have done if I wasn’t here?”   
“I’m sorry I hurt you, and I’m sorry I didn’t realize I was hurting you.” Jadzia took Kira’s hands. They both held each other’s hands tighter as the room shook, a decorative vase falling to the floor with a crash. “That felt like a 'quake.” Jadzia noted nervously. It happened again. “So did that.” Her tone turned accusatory.   
“It must be the Essentialists.” Kira replied. “Jadzia, I promise I never intended this, we have to stop them.”   
  
Kira leaned on her girlfriend as the tremors continued, nearly constant. They found Fullerton and the Essentialists, most of whom looked as nervous as the Risians and guests.   
“Give me the weather uplink, Fullerton.” Kira demanded.   
“Major Kira, I suggest you all get off this planet as soon as possible, I have no wish to see you or your friends harmed.”   
“Give us the uplink, or you’ll be the one harmed.” Jadzia threatened. A strong tremor shook the room.   
“I thought you were one of us.” Fullerton stated as he gave Kira the device.   
“I was, but I can't stand by while someone endangers innocents. And I’m starting to understand that taking a break and going on vacation doesn’t mean that people don’t care and aren’t ready to defend the Federation.” She replied as she worked on the device. “The Federation will survive external attacks like the Dominion and the Borg, and internal attacks like you.” She turned to leave.   
“Major.” Fullerton stopped Kira’s exit. “If you walk out of here now, you’ll be turning your back on your people and others in need. Don’t you see? Due to the selfishness, overindulgence, and lack of self-control propagated by places like Risa, the Federation will cease to bring humanitarian aid to societies that are in desperate need of it. And it will be your doing.”   
“Do you hear yourself?” Kira scoffed and turned to the door again.   
“Don’t walk away from me!” He grabbed her arm and yanked her back.   
“How dare you assault a pregnant woman!” She socked him in the jaw. New Essentialists pulled him off her. She turned to Jadzia. “Let’s finish our vacation?” Jadzia smiled back.   
  
“Arandis invited us back to Risa.” Jadzia said as she and Kira walked along the beach the next evening.   
“Even me?” Kira asked.   
“Even you. She understands how the New Essentialists' premise can make sense, especially for those not from Federation worlds. And I explained to her how her flirting with me made you uncomfortable, and she hopes we’ll return so she can make a better impression.”   
“I know you want to show me all the great parts of Risa,” Kira swung their joined hands, “maybe we’ll come back after I show you Bajor?”   
“Sounds good to me.” Jadzia smiled. “Can I show you one more thing before we leave?”   
“What is it?”   
“There’s a little pool full of clean, cool water, it’s a great place to watch the suns set. It’s not on the beach so most guests don’t go there, and I bet with so many people gone, we’d have it to ourselves.”   
“It does sound nice, but I don’t have a swimsuit.” Kira frowned.   
“Well, I won’t tell if you don’t.” Jadzia winked. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When they get back to DS9 Bashir and Garak have dinner together and Garak's like 'I hope, my dear doctor, that you've gotten that insipid sweetness out of your system.' because he thinks Bashir and Leeta are both very sweet and very cute and together they're tooth-rottingly sweet but he loves his cute human boyfriend. The struggle of writing from Kira's POV is that she generally doesn't care about Bashir and Garak's relationship so stuff like this doesn't make it in the story.


	15. Legitimate Targets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a rewrite of season 5 episode 11 "The Darkness and the Light". In order to keep this chapter shorter and not have to split it into two, I glossed over some events and conversations from the episode, but you should still be able to follow the plot.

"But if I take the makara herbs, the sedatives you gave me don't work." Kira explained to Bashir at her checkup.  
"I thought you said you weren't having trouble sleeping." Bashir frowned at her.  
"I'm not," she admitted, "but Julian, those herbs taste like something that crawled out of Quark's ear." She complained.  
"You have to take them." He emphasized. "Your progesterone levels are way too low, this is for the health of both you and the baby."  
"Major, if I may have a word when you're done?" Odo asked, standing a respectful distance from her and Bashir.  
"We're done." Bashir nodded at her and went to give them some privacy.  
"Sure." Kira stepped closer to Odo.

"I'm afraid I have bad news. One of the former members of your resistance cell, Vedek Latha Mabrin, is in critical condition at Dakhur's Hope hospital. He and 5 other Vedeks were praying when a small hunter probe hidden in their ceremonial candle hit him with a beam that lit his robes on fire."  
"Do they have any suspects?" Kira asked calmly.  
"Too many." Odo replied. "Before he became a Vedek, your friend was involved in some very questionable activities."  
"Latha was a violent man," Kira acknowledged, "but then he found the Prophets, and the last time I talked to him, he'd changed- really changed."  
"I don't doubt that, Major, but it would appear that the violence of his past has finally caught up with him." Odo replied.  
"Let me know if you hear anything else." She requested.  
"Of course." He nodded and left. 

Kira entered her room and stood in front of her prayer wheel. She raised her hands and thought about Latha Mabrin, his devotion to the Prophets, about to start praying for the Prophets to protect him when the computer alerted her that she had a message waiting. She looked to her computer terminal, then her prayer wheel, before deciding her prayers could wait a minute. This message may have news of Latha.  
"Computer, play message." She directed, sitting.  
"That's. One." A garbled voice played. she was barely able to make out the words. Kira leaned closer to the computer. The message had come with an image of Latha Mabrin.  
"Replay audio." She directed.  
"That's. One." It was easier to understand now that she knew what to expect.  
“Again.” Clearly it was intended as a threat, but from who?  
“That’s. One.” The computer replayed. And why were they threatening her?  
  
Kira had recorded a video message and sent it to all the members of the Shakaar resistance cell she could. Odo had increased security on the station. So why couldn’t she sleep? She stood in front of her prayer wheel, reciting a prayer for the Prophets to help Latha Mabrin heal. She spent another hour tossing and turning, unable to stop thinking about Latha being lit on fire. She shivered. What kind of person would torture another like that, especially a vedek? Not just killing him, but specifically lighting his clothes on fire. Unable to sleep, she slipped into the living room to pace. The baby kicked and she rubbed her stomach.  
“I know, I know. I hope you’re sleeping better than I am.” She sighed. She hoped Latha was sleeping well. For him to get through all those shootouts, all those bombings, only to be attacked years after the Occupation ended, and during a religious ceremony. She shook her head in disbelief. Who had a large enough grudge to attack the Shakaar now? To taunt her through subspace messages? Who hated her that much?  
  
Trentin Fala had heard about Latha and contacted her. Kira hadn’t sent her the message she’d recorded, just in case anyone was looking, they wouldn’t connect Fala to the Shakaar. Fala was still scared though, so Kira promised her a safe haven and rerouted Dax and Worf on their way back to DS9 to pick Fala up. She’d be at DS9 in less than 12 hours. Kira was distracted at dinner with Ziyal, but the younger woman understood.

Kira was waiting at the runabout pad when it docked the next morning, ready to welcome and calm Fala. Bashir jogged up with a medkit and some nurses with an antigrav stretcher.  
"Bashir?"  
"Something happened to your friend during transport." He informed her as the door opened. Jadzia exited first and hugged Kira tight as Bashir and the nurses entered.  
“What happened?” Kira asked.  
“Something went wrong with the transport. She lit on fire. She’s alive, the fire suppression system kicked on, but we didn’t want to risk transporting her to the infirmary.”  
“Lit on fire?” Kira repeated hoarsely. Was it a coincidence or a pattern? Worf exited and they waited for Julian and his nurses, Jadzia and Worf softly explaining how they’d had to remove the oxygen from the transporter station to put the fire out, and sedated Trentin Fala before moving her to a biobed and setting up a stasis field. Kira went to follow the stretcher, but stopped at Worf’s hand on her shoulder.  
“Let Dr. Bashir do his job.” He advised. “You know he will do his best, and keep you informed.”  
“Let’s go see if Ziyal’s free for lunch.” Jadzia suggested, taking Kira’s hand. Kira tried to stay focused while Ziyal complained about Jakix not contacting her and debated sending him another message, but Kira struggled to follow the conversation, let alone contribute.  
  
“This wasn’t an accident.” Bashir informed Kira when he asked her to come to the infirmary. “I found a remat detonator under her skin. The Chief cleared the runabout’s transporter systems, it was the remat that caused it. He and Odo are investigating it.”  
"How's Fala?"  
"She's badly burned, but I'll be able to repair the damage. The few seconds without oxygen didn't affect her brain structurally, though I imagine the trauma will affect her for a while. I have her sedated for now, I'm healing her skin gradually. I'll let you know when she's ready to wake up."  
"Thank you, doctor." She went to go talk to Odo.

"What is a remat?" She asked, sitting down in the security office.  
"Remat detonators are made by the Romulans, but they can be bought on the black market." Odo explained. "It's a device programmed to scramble a transporter beam during rematerialization, hence the name. The runabout's security system should have caught it, but the one that was injected into Trentin Fala had been coded so that instead of killing the victim, it lit their clothing on fire. It's possible that due to these modifications, or in addition to them, it was changed so that the security system couldn't recognize it as a threat."  
"Lit on fire like Latha Mabrin." She closed her eyes. It wasn't an accident or coincidence.  
"Indeed. Bajoran investigators have confirmed that the hunter probe that attacked Latha was similarly modified to light his clothing on fire instead of killing him. Major, who is Trentin Fala? She's not listed as a member of the Shakaar anywhere I can find."  
"You won’t find her, she's not a member officially. Fala spent the Occupation cleaning floors in a Cardassian records office in Dakhur province. She passed us information for years without anyone catching on, but she was always so afraid. So afraid of being caught and executed, but she never stopped. Even after the Occupation was over, she didn't want anyone to know that she was secretly helping us, she was worried that someone would come looking for her for revenge."  
"It looks like her fears were well founded." Odo nodded.  
"I don't understand how someone found her, I didn't even message her about Latha because that might have connected her to the Shakaar. But now I'm wondering if I could have warned her somehow." Kira admitted.  
"Major, there was no way of warning her about a remat we didn't even know the existence of." Odo pointed out. "Speaking of Shakaar." He added leadingly.  
"The First Minister has been notified, and has increased security." Kira nodded. "I need to update him that Trentin's been attacked, but he knows about Latha and the message I received."  
"If you receive another-"  
"I don't know that I will, the first one apparently arrived at the same time as Latha was attacked. Fala was transported from Bajor over 7 hours ago. But if I get another message I'll let you know." Kira promised.

Kira was about to enter the Shrine to pray for Latha Mabrin and Trentin Fala when a familiar garble caught her attention.  
"That's. Two. That's. Two." It repeated. She looked around for the source and Quark popped up behind his bar, banging on a small Ferengi padd. "That's. Two." It kept playing. "That's. Two."  
"Hello Major." Quark noticed her, smiling like he'd been caught red-handed. "I was just about to call you."  
"What is that?" She asked.  
"I just found this padd in a shipment of Saurian Brandy I received today. It was coded for you, but somehow I accidentally activated it." He chuckled.  
"Give that to me." She demanded. Quark quickly did so.  
"That's. Two." It continued to loop the audio. The image was of Trentin Fala. Kira stared at it as it continued to count her friends, to confirm that these were targeted attacks. "That's. Two. That's. Two. That's. Two." She took it to Odo, told him where it had been found, and left, simply telling him she needed to pray.

Kira knelt in prayer in the Shrine for hours. Her tears would come and go, she didn't bother wiping them away. At some point Ziyal joined her, she glanced up and gave a small smile as her adoptive daughter knelt beside her.

"I had dinner with Jadzia. We're both here for you." Ziyal breathed. Kira made a small noise of assent. They prayed in silence. When the Vedek told them they were welcome to return the next morning Ziyal helped her stand, and supported some of her weight as the blood and feeling returned to her legs. She fell into bed exhausted, but tossed and turned all night thinking of her friends being burned alive. First Latha, now Trentin, who would be next?

"Bashir to Kira, Trentin Fala is ready." Kira's combadge relayed the next day. She tapped it.  
"On my way, doctor, thank you." She hurried to the Infirmary and took Fala's limp hand as Bashir administered the hypospray. He’d done a good job with the dermal regeneration, Fala looked a lot better than when she'd left the runabout. Her eyes fluttered open and Kira rubbed her thumb on the back of Fala's hand, unsure how sensitive her nerves were.  
"Nerys." She recognized her and started to cry.  
"We've got you, Fala, you're safe now." Kira assured. She spent an hour in the infirmary, letting Fala cry, telling her what they knew, letting her feel the baby kick. Fala had no clue when she could have been injected with the remat. Bashir showed her the melted remains of the miniscule device, her best guess was that she had been injected in her sleep.

Odo had explained his theory of the perpetrator and asked Kira to make a list of all the attacks by the Shakaar that she had participated in.  
"That's going to be a very long list, and I may not remember everything." Kira warned. "I joined the cell at 13."  
"I understand Major, but it's a good starting point-" They both looked as the computer screen behind his desk turned to static. Odo began typing. "Someone's accessing the security database." He told Kira. "I can't block or trace it."  
"That's. Three." The screen displayed a single image. "That's. Three."  
"Mobara." Kira recognized.  
"Where does Mobara live?" Odo asked.  
"Musilla province. At the University, um, Engineering school." Kira tried to recall as fast as possible.  
“I’m sending an urgent message to the authorities in Musilla and at the university. Perhaps he hasn’t been attacked yet.” He said as he worked. He looked up to find Kira pacing the small office. “Are you alright?”  
“No, I’m not alright!” She snapped. “I haven’t slept in three days, someone is burning my friends alive, and my back-!” She cut off. Odo was listening patiently. She shouldn’t be yelling about her difficulties to Odo, he was trying to catch whoever was doing this, and couldn’t do anything about her pregnancy. She sat down, embarrassed about her outburst, rubbing her stomach with a wince as the baby stretched. “Sorry.”  
“No apology necessary.” He replied. His console beeped. “They haven’t been able to contact Mobara, University security are looking for him on foot.” He relayed. Kira sighed. “They’ll keep me updated. Major, if I may make a suggestion, why don’t you return to your quarters and rest for now? It may take several hours for them to search the entire campus, and I promise to update you with any news.” Odo suggested.  
“Maybe you’re right.” Kira nodded, maybe she’d be able to sleep in the middle of the day if she couldn’t sleep at night. “You’ll let me know the moment you hear anything, no matter if it’s good or bad?” She confirmed.  
“You have my word.”  
  
After Kira’s heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest surprising Furel and Lupaza, and then Miles surprising Furel and Lupaza, the three Bajorans sat on the couch to talk. Squished between her friends (who both had phasers) Kira was finally relaxed enough to fall asleep.

“Odo to Kira.” Her combadge relayed. Kira woke disoriented. She was in the living room, on the couch, with Lupaza and Furel asleep on either side of her. The lights were dim. What time was it? “Odo to Kira, are you there, Major?”  
“Odo, yes, yes, I’m here.” She shook her friends awake and held a finger to her lips to keep them quiet.  
“Mobara has been found and taken to the hospital.” Odo told them.  
“How bad?” Kira asked.  
“He has second and third degree burns on over 75% of his body. He was taking a walk on a campus nature trail when a micro-explosive device in his shoe detonated, lighting his clothing on fire.” Odo relayed. “I’m sorry, Major.”  
  
Kira watched as Dax and Nog listened to the messages she’d gotten, trying to determine anything they could from the audio itself. They’d just realized the messages were distorted recordings of Kira when an alert went off.  
“There’s been an explosion in the habitat ring.” Dax announced as she worked. “Level 5, section 21-alpha.” Kira recognized it before Dax even said it was the O’Brien’s quarters and took off. “Nerys!” She felt Dax’s fingertips on her hand, but her girlfriend couldn’t get purchase. She got most of the way there with no-one stopping her, until she was literally a dozen meters from the door and a security officer grabbed her.  
“Major, you can’t go in, there’s a hull breach-”  
“Get out of my way!” She yelled. She wouldn’t let Lupaza and Furel be hurt, not them, not when she was so close. They’d practically been her parents in the Shakaar. She broke free of two more officers before she made it to the door, gasping and falling to her knees, suddenly light-headed. Something was wrong. Very wrong.    
  
“Nerys?” Julian woke her.  
“Julian.” She breathed, opening her eyes.  
“Nerys, you’re in the infirmary.” He informed her.  
“The baby?!” She gasped, hands on her stomach, finding a surgical outfit and her very pregnant belly.  
“He’s fine.” He assured. Kira relaxed. “You suffered a placental laceration and began to hemorrhage. I’ve repaired the damage, you’re going to be alright.” Kira moved to her side as he spoke, her back to Bashir, breathing slightly labored at the exercise after being operated on.  
“Lupaza and Furel?” She asked in a near-monotone, staring ahead but not really seeing anything.  
“Dax was able to pinpoint their lifesigns in the debris and beam them here. They lost a couple fingers and toes, but bioprosthetics should repair that like they never lost them. Their brains were affected by the lack of oxygen. Trentin Fala was glad to see them.” He related softly. Kira scoffed inwardly at ‘their brains were affected by the lack of oxygen’. Bashir couldn’t even come out and tell her that their brains were damaged in the vacuum of space.  
“Miles?” She asked.  
“He wasn’t there when it happened.” Bashir assured. “But he’s here now, everyone’s been worried about you, if you’re up for visitors.”  
“Not right now.” She sighed. Right now she just wanted to go back to sleep, where someone wasn’t torturing her and her friends. Julian left her alone in the surgical room. She tried to go back to sleep, but she couldn’t stop thinking about Mabrin, Fala, and Mobara burning alive, and Furel and Lupaza being blown into space. She hadn’t heard anything about Edon, she prayed that no news was good news, that she’d hear something if the First Minister of Bajor was attacked.  
After a while she changed back into her uniform and left the surgical room. She found the lights of the infirmary dimmed. Fala, Lupaza, and Furel were asleep on 3 biobeds next to each other. Asleep, and in the dim light, they looked like nothing had happened to them. She left the infirmary to find Quark’s one of the only shops still open on the Promenade. She got a cup of tea from the replimat and went back to her room, and thankfully ran into no-one.  
  
“Major, good to see you.” Odo greeted as she entered the security office the next morning. “I assume you’re here to ask for an update?”  
“Yup.” She nodded.  
“Latha and Mobara are both improving, I have a list of suspects I need to narrow down-.”  
“How many?” She interrupted.  
“25.”  
“I could help you narrow it down.” She offered.  
“Not… just yet.” Odo evaded.  
“You’re afraid I’m going to take the names and go charging off after them.” Kira smiled.  
“Something like that.” Odo agreed.  
“You’re right.” Kira chuckled. “I probably would.”  
“I’m going to find the person that’s done this. I promise you that.” He vowed.  
“I know you will, Odo. Keep me informed.” She requested quietly.  
“Absolutely.” He replied softly, matching her.  
  
Kira went to her shift in Ops, Jadzia ran over to hug and kiss her, Kira barely returned her girlfriend’s affection, simply holding her close.  
“We’re going to find out who’s doing this and bring them to justice.” Jadzia promised softly.  
“I know.” Kira sighed. At her desk, she set up an alert on her computer to let her know Odo’s whereabouts every 5 minutes.

Once Odo left the security office, presumably to yell at Quark, Kira simply walked into his empty office. She downloaded his suspect list to a padd, then deleted all history of the list from the computer before she accessed an emergency site-to-site transport to runabout pad B. She set the runabout on autopilot toward Cardassia prime, made it harder to track her, and looked over Odo's list. Yes, Odo could recreate his suspect list from whoever gave him the names in the first place, but that would take time, time that she was using to get closer to Cardassia and the suspects. She quickly dismissed the first three names on the list as being very unlikely to be the one attacking her friends. The fourth name, Silaran Prin, was unfamiliar to her. She put the coordinates for his house into the runabout. She didn't want to think about what she would say to Sisko when he eventually caught up with her. As the runabout flew towards the demilitarized zone, she prayed to the Prophets to give her the strength to do whatever needed to be done.

She found Silaran's house, with one Cardassian occupant according to the runabout's scans. She turned the power of her phaser to a lethal setting before beaming down. He was apparently a hoarder, the house was packed with stuff, what should have been an open room had only narrow pathways between the junk. The dim lighting didn’t help as she explored the place, phaser in one hand and tricorder in the other. The tricorder was having trouble pinpointing Silaran, though, and she shot at a hologram, giving away her position. 

Kira woke to Silaran talking to himself about light and dark. A restraining field held her to the chair he’d put her in. Her mind raced. He was clearly unhinged. No one knew where she was. If she was going to get out of this, it would be entirely on her own.

Silaran Prin, fucking insane as he was, had forgotten about one variable: Kira was pregnant. She was suddenly grateful that the makara herbs Julian and Furel and Lupaza gave her neutralized sedatives as she begged him to show mercy. Even when he thought her unconscious, Silaran continued to ramble about dark and light. 

He was dead. Kira didn’t know what else to do, so she prayed. She thanked the Prophets that she’d changed her phaser settings higher before beaming down, and that she’d been able to retrieve her phaser so quickly, and that her aim had been true. She thanked them for protecting her and her baby. With the sedative in her system, and without adrenaline, her body felt too heavy and slow to do much besides sit, and pray, and think. Think about what she’d done as part of the Shakaar, what had happened to people like Silaran. He thought himself innocent. She thought him guilty. He’d become obsessed and deranged with what happened to him. She had to be reminded of the mission.  
  
When Sisko, Odo, and Bashir arrived, it was easier to let them scan her and talk to each other than to answer their questions right away. She already had her report started in her mind. She let Bashir scan her on the surface of the planet, and again in the Defiant, and a third time in the Infirmary when they got back to DS9 (with Jadzia and Ziyal holding her hands). Bashir had fixed her friends up well, Fala looked almost the same as before, Furel and Lupaza were able to follow and participate in conversation. They informed her that they’d agreed to get bioprosthetics for their feet to help them balance, but were holding off on their fingers.  
  
Miles and Keiko understood that she needed to spend the night with Jadzia. She didn’t sleep much, she couldn’t stop thinking about Silaran.  
“Baby kicking? Makara herbs?” Jadzia mumbled as Kira shifted position again.  
“No.” Kira sighed.  
“Want some tea? Sedative?”  
“None of the sedatives I've tried work, remember?” Kira reminded. Plus feeling slow and heavy and drugged would just make her more anxious right now.  
“Right. Tea? Massage?” Jadzia offered.  
“Go to sleep, Dax.” Kira propped herself up enough to kiss her girlfriend’s sleepy face.  
"Love you." Jadzia smiled at her.  
"I love you too. I'll try not to keep you up."

Kira woke with a jerk, fighting to get her arms free.  
"Nerys, you're safe, it was just a bad dream." Jadzia was murmuring in her ear, holding her arms to her chest.  
"Let go." Kira's voice broke, but Jadzia understood and let go immediately, watching as Kira slid out of bed to pace and rub her stomach. After a minute Jadzia got up to order 2 mugs of deka tea from the replicator, and handed one to Kira.  
"Sorry I woke you." Kira murmured.  
"It's not like you meant to." Jadzia replied with a small smile. "Holding you during a nightmare is bad?"  
"That one, at least. I don't know if it's going to happen again." Kira sighed.

It did. Silaran Prin was added to the cast of recurring characters in her nightmares. Jadzia had to learn to give Kira space when woken from a nightmare, to only give physical reassurance if Kira initiated it. Sometimes Kira had to get up and prove to her body that she could move. Sometimes she would start sobbing upon waking. When she was in Jadzia’s bed, they’d hold each other close. When she was in her room in the O’Brien’s quarters she tried to stay quiet, but sometimes Molly would wake up, come in to hug her Aunt Nerys better, and let Kira rock her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all. I really appreciate you reading this, but I'm feeling kind of burned out. Between accelerated online classes, work, and fanfic, I'm losing steam. I have 2 more chapters after this finished (chapters 16 & 17), and I'm seriously considering not finishing all the chapters after those that I've started and paused. I write fanfic for myself, yes, but I post it for others. If I don't get feedback that people are enjoying it, there's no reason for me to keep posting. So please, if you like this story, if you want me to keep writing it and posting chapters, let me know. 
> 
> Do you like my rewrites of episodes? Do you prefer when I write scenes that never happened in the show? Are there any scenes or episodes you really want to see me rewrite? The 'character almost dies' scenes don't occur in the 2 chapters I have finished, so if you want to see them, please please please tell me!


	16. Kirayoshi

“Sisko to Kira.” The computer relayed.  
“Are you serious? I'm trying to give birth.” She complained, Miles and Keiko faltering in their rhythm.  
“I’ll take care of it.” Jadzia squeezed Kira’s shoulder and stepped into the hallway, opening a comlink to the captain as she left. Kira took a deep breath and tried to relax again. Everyone resumed their roles. A minute later Jadzia returned. "Nerys? I have some bad news." She frowned and took Kira's hand. A warning tone went off and the lighting changed to yellow alert. "The ion storm watch has become a storm warning. Cardassian colonies have reported strong storms, and we have all the ingredients for a big one here."  
"What're the odds?" Kira asked.  
"More than 75%."  
"Do you need to go to work?"  
"No, they'll be fine without me." Jadzia assured and squeezed Kira's hand in both of her own.  
"Okay." Kira smiled at her. "Okay, baby." She told her stomach, rubbing it with her free hand. 

They continued for a few more minutes, but when the yellow alert changed to red they stopped attempting birth, Kira was too stressed and had been in labor for too long.  
"You're sure it's not the interspecies thing?" Miles asked as they all headed back to the O'Briens' quarters.  
"Julian would have told us if I was unable to birth him naturally." Kira sighed. "He's ready to come out, I just picked a bad time to try."  
"It's not your fault." Keiko soothed. "We have ion storm watches all the time and nothing happens."  
"There was no way to know that one would actually occur this time." Jadzia agreed. The station shook as the storm buffeted the shields. The group stumbled, but all stayed upright.  
"Keiko, do you need to get Molly?" Kira asked.  
"I should. We'll be home soon." She headed down a different corridor.  
"Miles, you can go to work if you need." Kira continued.  
"I can wait until they need me." He replied. "The shields should hold."  
"Wouldn't be too sure on that, Chief." Jadzia replied. They made it to quarters and had all sat on the couch when Miles was called to work.

 

"I'm fine, I just need some alone time." Kira assured as they walked away from the four happy O'Briens. Jadzia frowned at her. "Let me take a walk on my own, Dax. I'm not going to trip and fall or anything."  
"You're certain you want to be alone right now?"  
"Yes!"  
"Can I wait for you in your quarters?"  
"Fine." Kira sighed. Jadzia continued to frown at her.  
"Are you sure this isn't postpartum or someth-"  
"I don't know! Give me some time and space to figure it out!" Kira burst.  
"I love you, Nerys." She hugged Kira tightly.  
"I love you, too." Kira whispered.

Kira wandered the corridors, keeping away from the well-traveled areas. Her frustration dissipated to heartache. He was Keiko's baby, and Miles', not hers. She wrapped her arms around herself and leaned against a bulkhead. She took deep breaths and blinked at the ceiling, telling herself to keep it together. She just wanted to hold him in her arms so badly. 

Jadzia and Ziyal were waiting in Kira’s quarters when she entered. Just seeing them look at her with such worry made a sob well up in her chest, unable to be stopped. They wrapped her in their embrace, holding her up as she sobbed, overcome with emotion. This little baby that she’d carried inside of her for months, nourished and took care of and protected and fought a serial killer for, and she had nothing to show for it. She wanted to hold him in her arms, but she couldn’t. He had his human parents and she had no claim to him. So she held her girlfriend and her daughter tightly instead. It wasn’t the same.

 

Kira woke with a gasp.  
"My baby." She breathed, putting a hand to her belly. Her not-full-of-baby belly. She sat up.  
"Nerys, you're okay, everything's okay." Jadzia soothed.  
"But the baby-"  
"You had the baby a couple days ago. He's with Miles and Keiko. He's healthy and safe. You kept him safe." Jadzia sat up as well.  
"Right. Right." Kira wrapped her arms around herself. Jadzia draped herself over Kira, holding her tight.  
"Do you want some tea or something?" Jadzia asked. What Kira wanted was to hold the baby, little Kirayoshi O'Brien, but she couldn't.  
"Computer, time." She sighed.  
"0327." The computer supplied. Kira laid back down and held Jadzia close. She started to cry and tried to keep as still and quiet as she could, so she wouldn’t disturb her girlfriend.  
"Sorry." She hiccuped.  
"Nothing to apologise for." Jadzia murmured, stroking Kira's head and back as she took deep, shuddering breaths. “Nightmare?” She asked softly. Kira nodded with a sob. Jadzia sighed and kept stroking Kira's heaving back until she fell back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's not the happiest chapter. Next week will be the last chapter of this story, at least for a while. I need to rewatch the Dominion Occupation eps to rewrite and I'm out of energy for it atm. And it's not like anyone's clamoring for more.


	17. Remembering

“I remember the time Ben tried gagh for the first time.” Jadzia grinned as Ziyal declined the plate of worms.    
“That’s Curzon, isn’t it?” Kira asked.    
“Yep. Young Mr. Sisko had always stayed away from Klingon food, but no mentee of Curzon was going to embarrass him by never having even tried gagh. He was weirdly proud when Ben didn’t immediately hate it. As if he had anything to do with it.” Jadzia chuckled.    
“Curzon mentored you and Captain Sisko, right?” Ziyal asked.    
“Curzon observed me for my field training, but it was basically the same thing. Ben and I never met before I was joined, though, Jake was already born when I was an Initiate.”    
“Is it weird having the memories of someone you knew? Can you remember conversations from both sides?" Ziyal asked.    
“Yes,” Jadzia confirmed, “though I don’t really think about it much, from either perspective.”    
“Why not?” Ziyal asked. “I mean, if it’s not too personal.”    
“It wasn’t a fun time. As Jadzia, I was trying my best to prove myself as an Initiate, to prove I could handle being joined, to prove I was worthy of a symbiont. And Curzon had quite a reputation for being tough on Initiates, which he lived up to. And he terminated me from the program.”    
“Never going to forgive him for that.” Kira added casually.    
“He did endorse me when I reapplied.” Jadzia replied.    
“You shouldn’t have had to.” Kira responded.    
“And he did feel guilty about it.” Jadzia added.    
“It doesn’t change the fact that he nearly ruined your life for no reason. I’m never going to forgive him for hurting you like that.” Kira stated seriously. Jadzia leaned across their small table to kiss Kira’s nasal ridges. “You better not have gotten gagh on my nose.” She said with a small smile. 

“‘For no reason'?” Ziyal repeated.    
“Curzon,” Jadzia sighed, “was attracted to me, a woman around 80 years his junior. He knew his attraction was immoral, so to save his reputation and not have to interact with me anymore, he terminated me. That’s why I don’t like remembering it from his perspective, either.” She frowned.    
“Oh.” Ziyal’s eyes widened. “I- I can’t even imagine.”    
“Curzon did loads of things you don’t even want to imagine.” Jadzia tried to joke. “Took Sisko to his first upscale strip club-”    
“How about we finish lunch before you and I have to get back to Ops.” Kira interrupted. “If you have to tell stories about former hosts, please keep them safe for lunch.”    
“Well you shouldn’t have said that, now all I can think of are stories that would be in bad taste.” Jadzia teased. Kira gave her an unamused look. 

“Who was Dax’s first host?” Ziyal asked.    
“Lela.” Jadzia grinned. “Oh, that was a different time. Trill still thought that men and women were so different that a symbiont should alternate the sex of the host each joining to experience the fullest range of life possible.”    
“How different is it?” Ziyal asked.    
“It’s more down to temperament than anything, at least among Trill.” Jadzia explained. “Tobin hoped that a woman’s memories would be a calming influence, but Lela had been a fireworks display of a politician. Emony hoped that a man’s memories would help her confidence, but Tobin had anxiety. Though Lela’s courage did help Tobin, and his patience did help Emony.”    
“Who helps you the most?” Ziyal asked.    
“It depends on the situation.” Jadzia shrugged. “Curzon’s memories are the most recent and therefore tend to be the most applicable, but Tobin, Torias, Lela, Audrid, all their memories can influence my reactions to things.”    
“It was very nice when you tried to take me out for our anniversary.” Kira grinned, snickering when Jadzia put a hand to her face.    
“What?” Ziyal asked glancing between them.    
“One day Jadzia took me to Bajor for some real veklava and hasperat, some traditional music, browsing the shops for a few hours.” Kira explained. “I had a great time, and I asked her if there was a special occasion on the runabout back. She smiled and said ‘It’s a good thing one of us remembers our anniversary’, and I said ‘Anniversary of what? The anniversary of our first date isn’t for two months’.”    
“I’d remembered Lela’s anniversary.” Jadzia finished, nodding while Ziyal giggled.    
“It was a very sweet surprise.” Kira squeezed Jadzia’s hand. "You don't mention Lela much, who was she married to?"   
"I don't tend to have reason to mention her." Jadzia shrugged. "She was married to an unjoined architect named Niesa Kotal. Niesa's biggest accomplishment was designing a new building for a university, she was so excited and proud to sign the contract." Jadzia smiled. "I remember when it was finished she brought Lela to see it. No clue what it looked like, Niesa was too beautiful for Lela to look away from."   
"Awwww." Ziyal grinned.   
"Like you?" Kira kissed Jadzia's cheek.   
"Awwww." Ziyal repeated more emphatically.   
"Quiet, you." Kira chuckled. "It's not that big a deal. I bet you don't do that to Julian and Garak."   
"I do, it makes me happy to see happy couples." Ziyal smiled, unrepentant.   
"We really should get back to Ops soon." Kira sighed.    
“Jake and I are going to hang out and work on stuff together this afternoon, we’ll probably get dinner together.” Ziyal informed them as they all cleaned up their table. “See you later.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cute short little chapter to end this story until I have the energy to continue. This chapter was originally based around Kira realizing that Dax getting into a janky shuttle and then being able to continue the mission after the shuttle crashed was really brave considering how Torias died, but that section ended up not fitting and got cut.


End file.
